Erendi

Hi everyone, I'm having such a hard time. It's like I can't move on. I've officially been sad longer than my actual relationship with him. About a month and a half ago I asked him for an explanation, anything to help me move on. But he said there was none, he just didn't love me anymore and doesn't think we'll ever get back together. That broke me even more but I don't understand. Was he not happy with me? What did I do wrong? Why was I suddenly not enough after months filled with such a deep love and connection? Was our whole relationship just a lie? I feel so used and humiliated and I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried family, going out with friends (well zoom), new hobbies, throwing myself into work, dating. But I just can't seem to move on. I'm just so broken inside by not understanding this...

Hi everyone I'm disappointed to say that I have had to officially go dark on him. I was just being kind without any pressure or expectations but he saw it differently. He says he's confused and doesn't know what he wants in life anymore. That he doesn't know if I'm what he wants and that he doesn't want to look for me if he doesn't know how he feels anymore. He feels like he's "playing with my feelings" by responding to my good wishes. So I'm done. Done trying to look for someone that doesn't want to be found. I told him to tell me when he figures out if he wants me in his life or not and gave it a week to see if he would even open the message. Suffice it to say, he didn't. I deleted him from my social media and his number from my phone. I deserve much better and know that I'm not abandoning him since he's the one that left me. Thank you all for your well wishes and I'm sorry that this is my final update.

I broke no contact for myself mostly. It's not that it's okay with me, its more like everything related to our relationship is on the back burner. I'm focusing on myself and my mental health. I recently (finally) started going to a therapist that focuses on grief and relationships. She helped me learn more about this specific way of grieving and how it's incredibly common...which was disheartening in the moment but now I'm seeing it as a learning experience for future grief. While she did not advise me to expect our relationship to resume, she did tell me that his feelings towards me and our future most probably haven't changed. How grief sort of creates a mental storm that allows him to focus on few things at once and our relationship could not take priority at that moment. She said only I can choose my response to the situation and determine how long I'm willing to wait. I'm still young but this was a deep and real connection that we shared so I know I'm willing to wait for a long time. Relationships have never really been a priority for me so I don't really care about dating or finding someone as much as I do my own mental health and well being. Waiting for him isn't going to hurt me, but my anxiety might so I decided to focus on controlling that instead. So far it's working! It's only been a few days but I really feel like I've been able to see the situation more clearly, especially his perspective. I'll update this post if anything changes between me and him but for now I'm focusing on me. Giving him tons of space and time but checking in every once in a while. Just sending him love and hugs and letting him know that I'm here for him if he needs me. Because that's all I can really do.

Hi everyone, just a quick update. I finally read all of the posts on this thread and realized something. He never wanted to cut off contact with me. He pushed me away and broke up with me but I just went back to my first post and thought about the fact that he said the following: What I didn't mention is that after that he said that I was the one that didn't want to talk to him anymore. Since I had deleted him and his sister from everything it's what makes sense. Yesterday I texted him after three weeks of no contact. It was just a short message about something that happened during my day and sending him a warm hug. He responded normally with a light hearted inside joke and asking me more about my day. Things felt normal even though I know they're not. After reading a lot about grief I feel like I truly understood that the only thing he needs right now is someone he trusts and knows that loves him. It's only been two months since his mom passed and the no contact period made me realize that I added pressure to him and expected things that he just doesn't have the emotional energy to give me right now. The only thing I can give him is my support and compassion from afar. Like Kayc has said time and time again: it's not personal. Maybe one day we'll rekindle our relationship but for now I'm just going to support him. Give him his space when he needs it and check in on him from time to time. To this day he has never once said he doesn't love me and he's changed his tune to not wanting a relationship for now instead of at all. That's not to say that Im holding onto hope for our relationship any more but I know he's a genuine and kind person who wouldn't purposefully hurt me and still hasn't. If anything I've been hurting myself with my own anxiety and over thinking. I'll keep everyone updated as time goes on but I'm going to spend some time working on myself. My anxiety was overwhelming at times with the passing of my friend and promotion on top of the existing heartbreak. So for now I'll lean on my support network and keep sending him love when I feel he might need it most. A huge thank you to Kayc and MartyT for your kind words not only to me but to everyone on these threads 🤗

It's not so much that I have a glimmer of hope as much as the phrase "hope for the best but expect the worst". I still haven't broken no contact and don't plan to do so for another two weeks at the least so I don't even know if he has tried to get in touch with me. At first I felt bad about it but that's the only way I'll be able to see and think things through clearly. I completely understand what you're saying and feel for your daughter. One of my ex boyfriends was really bad at communicating so I broke up with him. I took him back a few months later because he said he had changed but after a month I realized he hadn't done any of the work for that to be true. I don't plan on making that mistake ever again. Even though I'm only 21 I have had my heart broken more than a few times, but this time it's weird. Its much harder to get over and I think it's because of how sudden everything was. I feel like I would have been able to move on much faster if I could just chalk it up to him not loving me or being a bad person but I know that both of those are not true. I guess it's just my first time learning that love isn't enough and that hurts me more than anything else

I hope so... If (and that's a pretty big IF) he were to come back would there be a way for us to work through it? Or is it stupid of me to even consider that? What we had before her death was real and I know that grief changes people so he might not even be the same person I fell in love with or have the same goals we used to share... But I believe he's still there, just struggling with the death of his mother after the rapid progression of her illness.

I tried not to look too deeply into that because it had only been a month since his mom's passing. There was other times during our relationship when I was going through hard times because of family or work problems and he would be my rock. If anything I saw it as our relationship really being over because he felt he didn't need to provide me that comfort anymore

I always feel like I'm doing fine and moving on but then a huge wave of sadness just comes over me and I doubt everything that I feel. Some days I just want him back and others I think that if he comes back I wouldn't be able to accept him because I lost faith in our relationship. It's incredibly confusing Thank you for your constant support though Kayc! I'll try to check in again when I'm feeling better about the situation...

Hi everyone I just wanted to check in because I need space to just write down my feelings... It's officially been 47 days since we broke up. I broke no contact a few times around holidays. He said that he still had feelings for me just didn't want a girlfriend for now. That he appreciated having me there for him while he was suffering. I was going to enter no contact again immediately after new years but then my friend got into a terrible car accident. She passed away the first weekend of this year. I believed I coped well and threw myself into my work and helping others as I usually do during periods of grief. The first week after her accident I was lonely and just wanted to talk to someone so I reached out to him. Once I mentioned my friends passing he stopped responding so I apologized for adding my grief onto his because it was a really stupid thing to do. I started talking more to my mutual friends and they gave me the support I needed. I haven't contacted him since. I erased all of my social media that I would use to talk to him, primarily Facebook, Instagram and Whatsapp. Today I logged on to Facebook and saw that he had started posting more frequently and most of the posts were him being...well...normal. It makes me think that he's over his mom's death even though a part of me believes that's not true. But it hurts to see that he's out here living like nothing's wrong and ignoring that i was ever a part of his life. Especially since he posted some semi flirty/funny things and some of his girl friends responded to them... Is this normal? I've been rebuilding my own life: going out with friends, spending time with family, I even got a promotion. I was so happy about my promotion because now Im not only the youngest person at one of the biggest law firms in California, I'm also the only person to have received a promotion within their first four months there. The day of my promotion was especially tough because i just wanted to tell him and thank him for helping me throughout my career search. He was my biggest cheerleader and it made me remember how much I truly miss him. That's all I have for now... Just taking it one day at a time even though I'm still just as confused and sad as they day he broke up with me, if not more so....

Im trying but it's so hard. I shared every part of my day from him and we were just so alike. Ive never met anyone that matched with me this well. Thank you for answering and I was so sorry to read about your loss as well

Hi everyone. Ive been reading through so many posts trying to find some sort of comfort but I'm still going through a hard time. My ex boyfriend and I met in June and started a relationship soon after. Towards the beginning of our relationship his mother was diagnosed with brain abscesses but he didn't tell me about it until August. We were in a long distance relationship and our Christmas plans came to a halt when his mom was hospitalized in late October. I tried to give him as much support as I could and he would always tell me how much he loves me and appreciates me. He would still joke around and we would make the effort to talk as much as possible. His mom died on November 24th. Just that morning he was telling me he loved me and everything was normal when suddenly all contact got cut off. I only found out about his mom's death from his sister's Facebook post thanking everyone for their prayers. A few days later he said he didn't want to hurt me but he wanted space. I said I understood and wanted to be there for him. I didn't contact him for two weeks until he posted a relatively normal video of him working out and I responded. We had a short conversation and then he didn't answer for a few days. When he finally responded he said he feels like I'm waiting for him and that I'm too good a person and deserve much better. So I said i was willing to wait because I loved him and wanted to help in any way I could. He said that with what just happened now he doesn't want a relationship. He believes I can't be happy with him but deserve happiness. I was heartbroken and cried for what felt like hours. I messaged his sister asking her to take care of him and sending a lot of love to their family. Then I removed him and his sister from my social media so I could start assessing my own emotions. The next morning he asked me what I sent her and was mad that I contacted her. I told him I'd leave him alone and he apologized. He said that what's happening doesn't mean he doesn't love me or want me in his life he just doesn't want a relationship. I said i needed to take time for myself too because I couldn't process anything anymore. I told him I wanted him in my life and would be there for him and he said thank you and that he understood. We haven't talked since December 15 and im trying to avoid contact for at least a month but it's so hard. This has been the longest month of my life and it's so hard to believe since the five months of our relationship always felt so fast. Is our relationship done for good? Is there any chance of us getting back together? I really don't want to lose him, I've never felt like this with someone before. Some days i feel fine but other days I can't stop thinking about how perfect everything was before this happened. I've considered going to a therapist because it's affecting my sleep and I keep getting headaches whenever I cry about it. I'm just so lost and confused.