Jaye Bell

On 11/1/2019 at 11:10 AM, rose345 said:

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years. He is my person. He is who I feel most comfortable around. He makes me feel good and he’s the person I speak to everyday. About a year ago, his mother was diagnosed with cancer. I was very supportive about the situation. As time went by I always checked up and asked how she was doing, I came over and spent a lot of time with him and his family. Throughout this relationship, I started to feel unloved or feel  that my love was too strong and his was not. I expressed this to him a few times, and now I feel like I put too much pressure on him. This past week he’s been acting strange towards me, almost just very quiet and not trying to see me or telling me what’s going on. I asked how things are with his mom, and he explained not well and it was hard to make time to see me because of what was going on. I was understanding, but also very sad. When he finally got the chance he saw me and explained to me that his mother will pass any day now, he is under going depression, and other personal matters. He explained he was very stressed, overwhelmed, and not able to handle everything that’s going on around him, nor a relationship. He explained he needs to work on himself, and has way too much going that he cannot handle being in a relationship. He told me this isn’t easy for him, but he thinks I’m not getting what I deserve because he cannot give me what “I deserve” because of what’s going on, even though I really just want to be there for him. I was very understanding and told him I will always be here for him during this time, to reach out for anything at all, etc. Even though I stayed strong in front of him, I have not been doing well. My heart aches not only for the loss of our relationship, but the sadness he’s feeling, and what him and his family are going through. I don’t even feel this is real. I know this is only the beginning of our breakup but I do not know how to cope. I can’t stop crying. My heart hurts. I feel so un-motivated, and all I want to do is reach out to him but I am trying to hold back from any relationship matters and to just be there for him. The last thing I sent him was a reminder that I will always be here and that I care about him dearly, and to please let me know if he needs anything. Even though the passing hasn’t happened yet, I am hoping he will let me know. I am going to check up on him a few times but not too much as I want to give him his space. I hope he lets me know because I want to show my respects for him and his family. This whole situation is giving me anxiety. I can’t stop thinking about him and all I want to do is hold him tightly. I try and distract myself, but any time of silence I can’t help but break down and feel pain. I wish he would allow me to be there for him during this time, and I don’t know how I’m going to handle this for what is it come. I’m really sad

Grief is extremely hard.. I am currently grieving the death of my sister... she died 2019 on my birthday...there are no words.  Your BF is handling this the best way he see fit.  I felt myself getting into an isolated mode but I am currently in counseling..which is helping.  I know its hard for you to deal with because you love him and want to be there..but the best thing you can do is give him his space.  I pray he open up to you at some point.  Nothing wrong with checking on him from time to time.

On 11/1/2019 at 8:08 PM, Lynda1 said:

This sounds very sad and I have no idea how old you are but as Ive lost two husbands and married 3 times it sounds like the relationship was not at all what he wanted, I cannot imagine wanting to shut out anyone during such a time. AS painfull as this will be the last thing you want in your life is a boyfriend who disappears when things turn bad. If he truly loved you he would be running back to you at every moment he felt down, I notice no one wanted to express there thoughts. This is harsh but he is clearly  is not into you as the movie says.

He is correct, you do not deserve this treatment

I agree to a certain degree.   I am grieving my sister's death...she died tragically on my birthday 11/23 of 2019.  I have been married 35 years (separated 3 years but back together).  My husband is an introvert and does not handle emotions very well.  I need him to hold me and tell me its going to be ok.  I need him to make me laugh, make me smile..that's not his character.. however I love him and accept him as he is..however grief is super hard.   I am not taking sides but this is very hard for him and he is handling it the best way he see fit for him. I would not shut my husband out..however, I feel I am going through this without him.   When grieving it brings up all types of emotions..from the past to the present.  The best thing she can do is give him space.  He may/may not open up to her.

17 hours ago, kayc said:

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister, I lost my sister 1 1/2 years ago although not to an accident.  Having this happen on your birthday just seems all the harder as we buried my father on my other sister's birthday and it's a reminder every year.

I, too, cannot imagine going through this alone and I hope you have a good support system or at least caring friends to be there for you.  Regardless, you are welcome to come here.

Thank you kayc for reaching out.   I do have a support system..mainly counseling.   So sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. There are no words when it comes to the death of a love one. We move forward the best way possible.

Although this site does not seem to be too active by looking at the dates of the post, I will post my story and hopefully others will reach out and can relate.

My middle sister died tragically at the age of 62 on my 60th birthday (Nov 23, 2019).  There are no words as to what I am going through.  I am currently in counseling...which is helping.  Within  5 years, I loss my mother, older brother and youngest brother and my sister.  Prior to my sister death, my younger brother's death hit me the hardest, we were very close..that's when I found a wonderful counselor and that was about 5 years ago.  However, the tragic death of my sister hit me the hardest.  She was killed by a hit and run driver on my birthday while crossing the street.  I did not find out until the next day.  I had a great 60th birthday celebration.  I am sure it was not meant for me to hear the news until the next day. 

Grieving brings out so many emotions and pass hurt and pain..that is why it is sooooo important to not sweep things under a rug and think it will go away because it won't. It will re-surface in one form or the other. It is so hard in dealing with pain whether it be from relationships, divorce, etc., but it is very necessary to deal with it because again, at some time or another , it will re-surface.  Grieving is so hard and I cannot imagine anyone going through it alone.