ChrisMitch2020

it was when she was saying about the grieving groups what was going through my head was shes still grieving, it has to be grief yes it is, but then you hear ive been a crap gf to you.

one thing that makes me think she did something was when she mentioned that her “therapist” said not wanting to be touched is normal, i just dont know if that was true, so i kept my distance from her, and i agreed. 

it was an awful time, i told her on that day i know your going through a lot but im here for you and i love you. and even then something didnt look right.

many thanks for this Kay. one other thing she mentioned to me which confirmed my thoughts about her grieving still was she said to me that she was being referred to grieving groups, but i could see the look in her eyes, something wasnt right, and she then mentioned about being a crap girlfriend to me. on my birthday the card she got me was a basic one, not a traditional boyfriend card, and even that made think something wasnt right.

how would i word it? after i said basically do one?

she is fully blocked, all the way i want nothing to do with her.

i kind of knew something wasnt right the way she was acting. all shes told me was that she wasnt happy and that we were too routined, but we were doing things together etc. it even got to a point where she wouldnt let me touch her, and this makes me think shes done something bad, and she said ive been a s*** girlfriend to you etc

shes saying she broke it off first and got with him in january but i think its a lie due to the things she was doing such as going out on long drives, staying at a friends etc, also when she was coming back it was straight in the shower.

on one occasion i said ill come with you to comfort you and she refused. she also went to a conference, and went to a hotel and didnt tell me the name of it just that it was in the place. 

Hi Kay,

Many thanks for your kind words.

im so pissed off, the fact that she said we were too routined and didnt have any fun but i said many times lets do something. i wanted to take her away in september to try and help her out. ive questionned my own sanity after all of this.

after all i did kay, im absolutely furious and disgusted. the therapy i went through questionning my sanity and thoughts, the support i gave her and the family.

hey all,

turns out it was all a lie, she had been texting someone behind my back, i found out last night.

Hey Marty,

her behaviour became so erratic, the fact she stayed out at her dads house and didnt text me till 1.30 which i didnt see till the next morning, i was fast asleep, and then she has a go at me!

i just really dont know what to think Kay my heads a complete state and i miss her so much, it just makes me think why check my pulse so much and stuff... 

i spoke to a mental health specialist today and she seems to think she did what she did because she couldnt bare to lose me the same way she lost her dad... hence the pulse checking 

thats a bad one that Kay, my question is do you think i remind her of her dad? and she made my life tough to get me gone? her dad actually said i was the best thing that happened to her! is this grief saying get rid of him and begin again? if her dad was still alive we would be together still?? 

Hi Marty,

it just upsets me that she brought up stuff from a year earlier when i was poorly at a friends wedding as an excuse to end it, like i could help it? when she needed me though i was there for her. 

also my step mum recently lost both of her parents and she stayed with my dad and they are still together now, does grief affect people in different methods??

i did keep trying, i supported her the best i could, she said to me i respect the relationship as it was, but she wants a fresh start without me, and thats what hurts the most, kinda making me think i was the bad one!! but i just need to drum in my head its grief! 

Hey Kay,

That kinda makes sense, as she wouldnt do anything and kept sleeping on her own. i remember at her cousins wedding after our intimate spell she burst into tears saying its so hard, why did this happen, and i had to cuddle her, then she took a tablet to go to sleep (she was on medication for the night terrors). when we got back she went upstairs and kept staying alone, and i just gave her space. 

in her letter she states the events of the year changed the dynamic of our relationship do you think it was the death of her dad? i dont feel i can be blamed for the mental health things. 

i could see the huge changes in her, but its when she was saying things like i only want to be around people that make me happy ie her work mates. that really upset me, because it made me think i was the bad one, and i supported her through hell and back. she just wasnt interested in anything with me and i tried to help by suggesting events, but i was left at home whilst she went out and she was with her mates to do things that make her happy. 

Hey Kay,

Do you think so? she always did the cooking, i did the cleaning but when it came to things like the bedroom stuff we was never a team with it. when she got annoyed at me she would isolate herself, not sit me down, but when she needed me i was there. she started isolating herself when she came back from Dubai as she didnt want to be around me or her mum. i thought she was still grieving!

Hey Kay,

see thats what i dont get, why come to me when they knew that what her daughter did to me was horrific? just because i suffer with a retching condition she threw almost 6 years away and treated me so badly? everytime i retched when getting nervous she would start and i damaged her mental health apparently? yet if it was on the other foot shed be taken care of completely. i went for a camera down my throat to try and find answers and it turned out to be non errosive duodenitis and i was put on medication that made me sick, yet it was held against me. yet when she was ill she was well cared for. 

Hi Kay,

Many thanks for that, ive written an email to her but i dont want to send it. 

Her mum also sent me a message on facebook asking me to build a website for her friends son which i did not reply. I just feel that i was treated poorly by her now everything after August 15 when her dad died i can forgive as she was all over the shop. 

is this another case of them trying to reach out to try and establish contact with me?? i didnt reply to her mum. 

Hi Kaye,

Shes kept communication channels open, shes said she will send me updates about the cat we had together, she means so much to me its insane, but i also have to think of myself.

Any advice? ive had some real down days this week, i miss her so much, she probably doesnt think of me anymore. 

Hey Kieron,

You think so?? it is a journey for her. i sent a message to her through our canadian friends basically saying i love you, please recover. 

ive been reading the emails she sent me and it mentions about shes trying to do things that make her happy, but she had someone who worshipped and adored her, and ive been thinking about a lot of things. not long after her dad passed she started staying out, where one episode she said she was going to her friends house for a little while to babysit her kids, which i accepted for her, so i then go to bed expecting her to return, i then get a text from her at 1.30 am saying im at my dads (she didnt tell her mum this, her mum panicked and didnt tell me till morning) i didnt see the text till then also as i was flat out, so she comes back and is like no one cares, and a row erupted between us and the first breakup warning came in so i calm her down and she asked if i can book a holiday so she can have space.

is this the grief totally absorbing her??