First off I want to say thank you for reading this.
so here it goes
My girlfriend and I had been dating about a year now. I’m 30 and she’s 27 with 2 kids. We had a great relationship, never had any major fights only minor discussions about unimportant stuff. I know it was still early in the relationship but she started bringing up marriage and having a kid with me, something I was scared of saying for the fact it was too “soon. However, I was completely into the idea. I love her and for the first time I saw myself growing old with somebody. Not to mention that I absolutely adore her two little girls.
About 4 weeks ago her grandma was scheduled for a surgery and the weekend before she went out with her girlfriends. Something that I was completely fine with. We did ended up having a discussion that weekend because she decided to drive after a few drinks, when I had already offered to pick her up.
Three days later Her grandma’s surgery brought up some complications and she felt into a coma. That night she asked me for time. I was in shock and I felt lost... but I know she was going thru a lot with her grandma so I just checked up on her. She would be distant and she would either ignore me or say that she didn’t want to talk to me. Over the weekend I asked if I could visit at the hospital and she allowed me to do so. I spent all weekend with her at the hospital making sure that I was there to take care of her. Monday morning she messaged that they were disconnecting her grandma and I immediately left work and rushed over. As soon as I got there, she passed away. They arranged the funeral for the following weekend and I asked her if she wanted me to go, she said yes. I was there for the viewing and the funeral and it seem things for us were going back to normal, although I knew she was in a lot of pain. She started saying that she loved me and missed me. But over the course of the week she started being distant and cold and I questioned what was going on. Which ended up making her furious and lashing out.
She once again said she didn’t want to talk about our relationship. To a certain degree I understood, but I also felt very confused and I asked where I stood in her eyes. She got mad again and ended up blocking me from all social media and from even calling her.
Im not sure what to do anymore, I’ve tried to do little things here and there to show her that I’m here for her , that I love her and that she can count on me. I’m confused, how can she go from loving me and wanting a future to ending things. I don’t want to give up but I’m hurting really bad. I’m trying to understand if I did something bad or if I should of done something different.
The only good thing is that she did reached out saying she understands that her emotional state is a mess and that she will be seeking therapy. I’m hoping she does. I’m hoping she realizes how much I love her and want to be with her but she’s only pushing me away.
When I talk to my family or friends about it, they tell me that she’s doing it on purpose to start moving on. However, I don’t want to. She’s my best friend, my everything.
Now i think I made it worse today by trying to reach out to her from another phone, saying I couldn’t force her to be with me or love me at this moment and I dropped donuts n coffee with her receptionist. Something I immediately regret doing as I acted on impulse. Im just having a really hard time dealing with all this. I think I started pushing her away by being too much myself. I’ know I have to stop reaching out and doing stupid stuff like what I did today.
Any advice? Should I wait? Should I move on? I go to the gym regularly, I eat healthy, I try to stay busy throughout the day but I can’t stop thinking about her. I’m hardly sleeping and all I want to do is breakdown.
Thank you for hearing me out, I’m going insane.