I’m 49 and I have hasmoto desease and sure I’m entering a phase of the beginning of menopause I just lost my mother a little over a month ago and am grieving badly!!!..although I’m sure my episodes are normal but I’m getting crazy thoughts outside my normal phychie like needing to take a break from my life, furlough from Covid, unemployment cutting me off, and no money, and to boot a bad relationship that’s becoming more and more of a convienence than love. All this within two months time. I’m ready to snap! I even fantasize about committing a crime just to purposely go to jail just to escape the life I have and not have to cook, do laundry, or care about anyone but me like I need to center myself like a reset button. Plan B was to just leave it all behind and move to another country where no one knows me and I can let minimal people into my life. I have reached a phychological understanding that I have died with my mother and I’m in literal my own hell because all the strength I used to have is gone and that it makes sense that the devil himself has stole it from me to keep me weak and from fighting back. I’m a Christian and I could have done something so bad that god has cast me to this life....I feel stripped from faith and hope.
