I lost my beloved wife of 50 years to a vicious cancer. That was 4 months ago. For 3 months I was wretched mess. Crying, not eating, weak, shaking. Dreaming. I lost the love of my life to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. I honored my vows I never cheated on her.
On the 4th month I regained my senses. She is gone. When I go, would like to think I'll be with her I do believe in an almighty spirit, perhaps it will come to pass
I also am finally able to look at her pictures, and a flood of memories hits me. Mostly good by far. But for some reason the long forgotten bad one is dominating me. Her affair back in 1978. He left her cold. Went back to his country. Used her like a whore. Sex and party time. I told her that would happen. She never apologized. But I loved her and forgave her, in spite of the ugly pictures I had in my mind.
She never really let me forget it. Kind of gaslighting me all these many years. Dropping subtle hints "I've been in love" and such. But I ignored them. I loved her. When one deeply loves a woman, he forgives her indiscetions, doesnt he?
My question is, why is that coming back to me now? Even the ugly pictures. How can I banish it? I wish I could just punch up delete and only retain only the wonderful memories.
