I’m coping with the loss of my 18 year old son, too. He committed suicide last week. I woke up Thursday morning to three detectives at my door. Then I had to break the news to my 15 and 16 year olds and guide them into sharing information with these officers. Every day seems to be harder than the last.
My eldest daughter lives four hours away and I called some family and asked them to help break it to her so that someone would be with her when she found out. They called her instead. I could have done that. I feel like everything I try, everything I do, I fail.
I cry so much my eyes feel permanently swollen. I feel guilty when I have a good moment and guilty when I struggle. I keep wondering what I could have done differently to have kept this from happening.
I feel like such a failure as a mother. I miss my son’s smile.
Anyway, I just wanted you to know you are not alone.