Gary B

i am not sure how life goes on when you lose your dad and best friend. Everywhere i look its a memory of him. He was the kindest, big hearted man in the world. My stomach is always upset with the reality i will never see him again. : This basically says the same thing about my mom I lost 2 months ago. Im 61, and have no family except for a nephew I'm not very close with. You don't know what loneliness really is until you're in this situation. My mothers death was unexpected, she was 88, she went in the hospital for a heart valve replacement and it seemed to have gone well but 3 days later she was gone. I cannot stop replaying in my head the short time I was able to visit with her before she passed. I am scared and don't see any future for me. I have a few supportive friends, but it doesn't help much. Some I wish they'd call but they don't Somehow I am able to play tennis about 2 hours most days and i don't think about my mom, but I often cry as soon as Im finished. I wouldn't harm myself, but I sometimes think I welcome some terminal illness. When my mom passed, she took half of me with her. I was somewhat depressed before this, but now it's unbearable. I'm totally broken