My husband (John) suddenly lost his father in January of last year. His parents were married for 30 years and we’re very happy together. Less than 3 months after losing his father, his mother informed him that she has found a companion. John had his own reservations but understood that he had no way to understand the grief she was feeling. He let his mother know that although he didn’t understand her decision, that he respected that it is her life. He communicated with her that it would take some additional time for him to be comfortable around the new man because of his own grieving. His mother’s response said that she understood but her actions proved otherwise. She began distancing herself from our family including our 3 young children that were severely impacted by the loss of their grandfather. My husband and I tried to talk with her about the way John was feeling about the loss of his father and the struggling relationship with his mother, but she had less than zero compassion for her son and got upset about the way he was feeling instead. Since then, we have tolerated the distance between our family and her and her boyfriend. We see each other occasionally and have had some pleasant moments with them. The anniversary of John’s father’s passing was the beginning of this year. John’s mother planned a gathering with her late husband’s family for a surprise announcement of her new engagement. Although certain people are going to think it’s too soon, no one is upset about the engagement because it is her life. The main concern at this point is that we feel like she is being extremely inconsiderate of how the people around her feel. We want to be happy for her but the way she is handling things, (especially having a surprise engagement announcement party for her late husbands family) feels really disrespectful. I just want to know if we have a reason to feel this way. We have all tried to be understanding, supportive, and compassionate. Several people in the family are debating on whether someone needs to talk to her about this or how we should handle it. It’s gotten to the point that she is ostracizing herself from her late husband’s family and no one wants to see that happen just because she doesn’t seem to realize how she is affecting them.
