lisetta

Thank you, his name was Matteo, he was only 47. I only met him 18 months ago but we loved each other more than we'd ever loved anyone else. We said we'd grow old together. He hadn't been very well for a few months and had lost some weight but we had no idea he was going to die. In October he ended up in hospital with pneumonia and blood clots and then they said he had lung cancer. He came home from hospital on the 7th November and I was staying there to care for him. We were trying to take it all in, trying to get him stronger but he just didn't and he had to go back into hospital 10 days later, it was my birthday, I went every day, he only wanted me there as his one visitor allowed. He died 4 days later, we didn't have any time to process it when they said the cancer had spread already and was terminal. I hadn't met his family, his little girl lives with his ex and he was scared of losing contact if she knew he was in a new relationship, they'd only been separated for 6 months when I met him and I only met his brother for the first when he came to collect his things at the hospital. Matt was bipolar, he was so beautiful, an artist, a gardener, and was studying for a degree in mechanical engineering so he could provide well for his daughter. He was wild and intelligent and funny and often deeply sad. He just felt everything deeply and he couldn't deal with it when they told him it was terminal, he was just trying to sort out things with the mother of his daugter, he wasn't able to sleep, it's all so overwhelming.

He died 20 days ago, it was all so fast, I don't know how to carry on.