Hello everyone,
I'm posting here to seek advice and insight regarding a recent misunderstanding I experienced with my girlfriend. We were in a relationship for two years, and unfortunately, her 32-year-old brother passed away recently on April 25th. It has been an incredibly challenging time for her and her family
Since his passing, I tried my best to support her. I visited her house on the day of his passing, and a couple of days later, I also brought a beautiful wall frame with her brother's picture as a comforting memento. However, I thought it was important to give her some space and not be pushy or overwhelming. I would send her a message every two days or so, but she didn't respond as much.
Lately, she has expressed her desire to take care of everything for her family, as her father lives abroad due to employment. She is considering moving to her father's place with her family, and I wanted to be supportive of her decision. However, what worried me was that she didn't respond when I expressed my love and missed her. I thought it must be part of the grieving process, so I was just trying to be there for her in any way I could.
But there has been a recent shift in our relationship dynamics that has left me confused. She hasn't been initiating chats or calls, and when I expressed my love with "I love you," she responded with a simple "hmmm." My gut feeling was telling me that something was wrong here.
On the 12th of May, she sent me a text saying "Hello sweetie." On that particular day, I had food poisoning/fever and was bedridden the entire day. I replied to her the day after. I think, ever since then, she hasn't been the same, and that was the last time she called me "sweetie."
Her birthday was approaching on June 6th, and I had prepared some meaningful and supportive gifts for her. However, on her birthday, she didn't even let me hug her. In the midst of my panic, I asked her if she would like to marry me. I understand this was possibly not the best time to bring up such a topic, but she said she would think about it.
So, the next day, I decided to have a conversation and called her. She expressed that she wanted us to remain only friends now. It came as a surprise to me, as I believed everything was going well between us. I struggled to understand why she came to this conclusion. Don't you keep your loved ones closer after the occurrence of a death in a family?
During our conversation, she mentioned that she believed I lacked interest in marriage based on previous discussions about our future plans if she were to go abroad. I often responded by saying, "we'll discuss it when the time is near," as there was no immediate urgency, and I believed we had enough time to discuss it. I thought we had at least 15-18 months because she recently got into a new job that she said she is going to keep for at least a year. I never denied the possibility of marrying her, and I always included her in my private family gatherings. I was also trying to save money and get better at finances. It felt unclear to me why she thought I didn't want to marry her, and I wasn't sure if there were other factors contributing to her change in feelings.
She also complained that I didn't call her with a "wifey" nickname, claiming that it's something boys usually do, and not using it is a red flag. But I have always referred to her with sweet nicknames like "Sweetheart" and "Beloved." etc.
I genuinely believed everything was fine between us, and we have never had any fights or unresolved conflicts. This sudden change in her feelings has caught me off guard.
Even when her brother was admitted to the hospital, I did everything I could. She would send me his lab reports, and I would forward them to my family doctors for cross-checking and second opinions. I did this every day. I even donated blood for the first time, despite going through hypothyroidism at that time.
Is it the lack of emotional intelligence or is she just manipulating me? I suddenly feel guilty every day and constantly have "could have" conversations in my head. Was I not good enough?
I attempted to address the situation by sending her an email reminding her of the little things I had done and questioning how she could come to the conclusion that I didn't want to marry her. This was on June-16 and she hasn't yet responded to my email yet.
It feels like she stabbed me in the heart, and I have been having trouble sleeping ever since. I find it difficult to focus on things, and my heart feels heavy.
The last time we ever talked was on Thursday, June 22nd, and we talked for an hour. She started off in a jolly mood, but then the conversation shifted to her brother. She began discussing him, crying, and expressing how much she doesn't want to take her family for granted. I listened attentively and tried my best to console her over the phone. We both ended the call with 'Take care.' As much as I wanted to say 'I love you,' I held back this time. I was also holding back tears; it hurts. The realization that I now have to talk to her as a friend. I didn't want to appear insensitive. But at the same time, it is hurting me too. I don't know what kind of complicated emotional situation I find myself in.
I have sent all of this via DM to KayC, and she has been a great help to me. I just wanted to know if any of you have gone through a similar experience?
I would appreciate any advice, insights, or support you could offer regarding this situation.
Thank you.
