Here is a long preamble leading to a question.
I am grieving the loss of my Kelpie dog Roxie who passed away in November. She was 15, and was living with cardiomyopathy. She was the best good girl, so faithful and happy and present. My husband and two sons, ages 12 and 17, whom she helped me raise, also miss her, but she was my dog, my constant companion while they are off on business or at school. We have two other male dogs, a 12 year old Border Collie and a 2 year old Heeler. Roxie taught them well, but she was the one always by my side, even when I wished she would go lay down because I thought she must be tired. Her death was not unexpected, and I had been traversing anticipatory grief for a few years, but the suddenness of her death was surprising to us. I am working through, and in the meantime....
A week before Roxie died, we had a mass guinea pig death when the gate separating them from the dogs (read, the youngest dog) was left open while we were out. We had five pigs. One was found dead. Two were presumed to have been carried out the dog door and could not be found in the backyard. However, I did find them several weeks later, and they appeared to have just died -- the visiting neighbor dog and my young dog were out playing and they must have found and killed the pigs. I was horrified. I did not tell my kids that I found them this way.
A couple weeks later, one of the remaining two pigs died of a tumor. Then there was one pig - Oreo. Worried that she would be lonely, we adopted another pig to keep her company in the adjacent cage. Sadly, last week, Oreo unexpectedly died. We were away overnight and my neighbor told me that Oreo wasn't eating. When I arrived home, I picked her up, and she died a minute later. She seemed to have waited for me. She was truly the best pig we'd ever had.
Now again, we have this one recently adopted guinea pig, who seems to have not been much socialized and does not like people. My youngest son says he does not want to get another guinea pig because they are too fragile and we just keep repeating the cycle of death and loss. (We previously had another generation of a few pigs prior to this one.) My oldest son, who has autism and anxiety, is now in the trap of asking me multiple times a day if this remaining pig is ok, has a disease or is lonely. He says that what would make him feel better is (1) if we got another pig to keep this one company or (2) if we found him a new home so he wouldn't see him and worry about him every day. I do not know what to do. Like my youngest son, I'd rather be done with the guilt and worry over the guinea pigs and their safety, especially considering the prey drive of my young heeler dog. (Alas, dear Roxie never killed a guinea pig. I miss her.) On the other hand, this experience has enabled my older son to feel and practice empathy. As a person with differences and challenges, he feels what it must feel like to not have a friend, or at least someone like him in the next room. The development of empathy is good for him, but the devil of anxiety is not.
I have always been a person who adopts a pet for life. Spends lots of money on the dogs' acupuncture and specialty vets, walks them twice daily, cooks homemade food for them; ensures the guinea pigs have outside time and when Oreo who was pregnant at adoption and gave birth to a male, I took all the females to be spayed. It would be incongruent of me, the way I live life (I'm vegan for goodness sake), to give away the last guinea pig to a person who may not care like I do. And at the same time, I have horrible thoughts like, can I donate him to someone with a big snake because the snake has to eat! or would it be better if I asked for euthanasia for him so that my and my son's separate worries would be done. At least until the next season of life.
(Of some relevance is that my father in law also died unexpectedly in this two and half month period. So lots of loss. But for sure the most deeply felt for me is Roxie and the pigs.)
Advice on my complicated, convoluted predicament is welcome. Thank you.
