Hi. My mom died 1 1/2 years ago.....July 23 rd 2002 at 9:30 pm to be exact. It seems like I went through this incredible sadness last year at this time as it was that time of year in 2002 that we found out that nothing else could be done for her cancer and then the slow down-hill slide began. Six weeks before she died, I had to be hospitalized because I have Chron's Disease and needed an emergency surgery to save MY life. There was just the two of us and here she was dying worried about me and me worried about her. I was her support person and think I did a decent job.(My real profession is Social Work) However, I became very task oriented and took care of everything as though it was a case on my caseload and I managed very well, on the outside although I would lose it now and then when in bed asleep at night. I tried to take care of her at home for as long as I could, but I was too sick and had to have her hospitalized about 5 weeks before she died. I still feel guilt over that. I can still see her face when we had that conversation..... So, where I'm at today is angry. Really angry. For the last 4 weeks, I have been angry at my boyfriend for breathing, at my cats for purring (you get the idea) and generally, a pretty miserable person to be around. I am acting controlling and bossy and today, I finally made the connection.....When Mom died, there was "too much to do" to grieve. I thought that I had grieved throughtout fighting her cancer with her and that I had 'dealt with most of it'.. I haven't dealt with much of it, I can tell you. It's like there is this huge hole in my life that I am trying not to fall in to. I am afraid to 'go there'. Any suggestions??? Thanks for listening, Tracey
