Hi All, I am a new member. I lost my beloved Gypsy eight days ago. She was a beautiful Chow/Collie mix. I adopted her as a "senior" dog and only had her five short years but during that time we developed an incredible bond and life. I was only 25 years old when I adopted her...just bought my first condo, living in a city where I did not know anyone, etc. She made my house a home! She never complained, never asked for anything - she just wanted love (and treats!)...always looking at me with adoring eyes. She was my soulmate doggie...she understood my personality like no human person I have ever met. Together we welcomed another senior chow mix, Gertie, into our home and created a family. My favorite Friday night activity was hanging out at home with my girls watching a movie or reading. I am grateful that she did not suffer...I consider myself lucky to have had the ability to "plan" her death. It was the excrusiating decision I have ever had to make in my life but I absolutely believe that it was a decision that she needed to have made for her and wanted made for her. I believe that I did it on our terms and how she would have wanted...that it was the final gift I could have given her. But even with that peace, I am experiencing extreme longing for her. I miss her so much. I miss everything but mostly the simple things...I miss her sweet smell, I miss the sound of her taking a "bath" and licking her paws, I miss kissing her good night, I miss the content feeling that both of my girls are sleeping at my feet while I sleep or watch tv, I miss her following me all around the house (she was my shadow), I miss watching her and Gertie interact, I miss the sound of her collar jingling, I miss her little snout knudging my leg while I prepared her meals and medication. I just miss everything about her. She was my baby, my everything. She made me a better person. Its weird because some of the day to day tasks seem to be getting a little easier. Don't get me wrong...it still sucks! Coming home and not seeing her sucks, feeding only one dog sucks, etc. But I have tried to change some routines so that Gertie returns to happiness and that has helped a little. But it seems that I can not get my arms around the fact that is all final. That she will never be back, I'll never get to hug her again or feel her soft fur. My mind keeps playing stupid tricks on me...when the vet called today to tell me that her ashes were back, I had a glimmer of excitement thinking "my Gypsy is coming home today and everything is going to be back to normal". Kind of like she has been away for surgury and is being released from the hospital. Does anyone else have these feelings? She was my baby and wish she was coming home. P.S. Please excuse my spelling - its horrible and I do see a spell check on here.