I know exactly what you are going through. Last Tuesday, April 20th, I has to put my boy Chowzer to sleep. He was a few months from his 15th birthday, and has been with me since he was 6 weeks old. Our bond was obsessive on both sides. My wife even got jealous at times. I took him everywhere, slept with him, have been greeted by him for so long - it is so hard to realize he is gone. I want to write a book about his life so I can hold on to every memory I have of Chowz. And anytime I do get him off my mind I feel guilty for leaving my boy behind. His problem was a failing kidney, and a weak heart with a murmur as well. We learned a month ago it was getting much worse and his BUN and creatine blood levels had skyrocketed. His red blood cell count was down. We did I.V, diet, meds, anything to help but it did not help our Chowz. They day before we put him to sleep was terrible, the night before was like a countdown to some nightmare. Knowing how ill he was and what we had to do. THen looking into his eyes as he died, kissing him and letting him know I loved him and everything was going to be alright Brutal! And then bringing his lifeless little cocker body back home to bury in my back yard - the absolute worst day in my life. I was kinda numb all day long. Now reality has set in, coming home to a quiet house, just realizing he is not going to come running up. I just try to stay busy, but it is hard to do some times. And I agree, many people just have no idea. I get so angry when close friends or relatives do not show the respect Chowzer deserves or the empathy that I deserve, and so need at this difficult time. It does seem like nobody understands. Hang in there, I am doing my best to remember all our good times, and realize that he has had a great influence for who I am, what I accomplish in life - so I will think of him with all my future successes in life.
