3 month ago my boyfriend of 5 years died. i dont even know what to write.nothing makes sense to me.i know that every1 has his own destiny and time to leave this world.i know that we all r mortal.i know i have to grief cry etc and move on and i am doing that but i just feel so empty and out of place.i have my family and friends who love me very much but my life feels so empty without him.we were best friends,lovers,soulmates,everything for each other even though we drove each other mad we loved each other very much.we wanted to get married and spend our lives 2gether. i know that he is gone and i can never talk to him or touch him or kiss him or laugh with him. first 3 month were horrible.i was numb and didnt cry until recently.i lost 7 kg of weight and had panic attacks.every1 otherday i was in the hospital emergency room coz i couldnt breath.every night i went to sleep thinking that i wont wake up.i still have fear of death and the first think i thinkk about in the morning is death and that he is goneand 1 day will be gone too. iam afraid to go back where we lived even though some1 else is renting that place.iam afraid to go back to the country where we lived ( i flew to stay with my father and stay in hospital for few treatments).iam afraid to visit his grave. My only wish is that Allah will forgive his sins and my sins and i will b able to c him in Hereafter.