I guess writing this will be a big help for me. see my Mom died June 17th, 2004. It was such a shock because she wasn't even sick and then she got soo sick and it was awful. I was her caregiver and right after she was gone I kept waking up and thinking I was having a nightmare and then looked around and realised that it was happening to me. There are so many thoughts stuck in my mind having taken care of her night and day. She had lung cancer and could not breathe. It was worse than if she were in pain. But I talk to people everyday whose parent suffered for years. She didn't --only a few weeks. But it must have been so frightening for her. it was for me. I kept asking what do I do when she can't catch her breath and they kept telling me to give her more morphine. Finally what happened was we were together sleeping at her house and we both got so tired. she woke up and said she couldn't breathe and I gave her morphine. she fell back to sleep and even though she didn't have enough oxygen she was too tired. And so was I. She started going into a coma. And the nurse came. And she was getting really bad. And then the nurse fixed her up and put her on her back. I knew she couldn't breathe on her back. But what was I going to do. Sit her up in a semi-coma? So I left her like that and just a few minutes later she went. And I still hear the sounds she made and all the fright that was in her. And I tried to calm her. But I'm sure she was scared. but it did not last long. It was like a birth. And I know she went to a better place. And that she is with her daughter and grandchildren and her mom, and her sister and her husband. And she is ok. its me that's got to heal. So thanks everyone who knows what it feels like to lose a parent. And I feel for you too, all of you. Sorry for the vultures in your family. I'm still hoping not to get beat up too bad. its been pretty brutal just trying to be friendly. but they will be civil, I hope. take care. Leslie
