I know EXACTLY how you feel. My grandmother has been in the hospital for 3 weeks and kept aspirating so with much agonizing agreed to a feeding tube. Once the feeding tube was in place she started having teriffic pain and drs couldn't figure out what was wrong. We were told on Monday that she only has 3-5 days left to live. She hasn't had ANYTHING to eat since 10/14 and is approaching the end. They started her morphine drip today to ease the pain. Our family was so relieved when my grandmother agreed to that feeding tube. I think it was our selfishness that gave us the relief. Because my grandmother has suffered tremendously from that decision. The feeding tube only prolonged the inevitable and at my grandmothers expense. I truly understand how you feel and hope this will get easier with time. Its absolutely consuming me. I will be praying for you and your family as well as my own.
My grandfather passed away last Friday. He was in the hospital and could not keep his food down. It aspirated into his lungs and he could not breathe. He refused to accept a feeding tube and respirator. They put him on a morphine drip and he died in his sleep a week later. Because of he was several states away, I could not visit him.
I pray to God every day and ask to understand his decision, but I can't. I am so angry with him for doing this.
The hardest thing for me to deal with is that I feel he starved himself to death and we let him. What if he changed his mind but could not tell us because of the morphine? Should we have forced him to accept treatment? Every day during his last week I was hoping to hear that it was over, and I hated myself for being so selfish.
My husband and friends tell me that I will feel better as time goes on, but right now it seems that this is impossible. I know that my Mom and Grandmother are grieving too, but I can't bring myself to talk to them. I don't want them to see me so upset.
Thanks for letting me post this... I think it helped a bit to write this down.
My Grandfather
in Loss of a Parent or Grandparent
Posted
I know EXACTLY how you feel. My grandmother has been in the hospital for 3 weeks and kept aspirating so with much agonizing agreed to a feeding tube. Once the feeding tube was in place she started having teriffic pain and drs couldn't figure out what was wrong. We were told on Monday that she only has 3-5 days left to live. She hasn't had ANYTHING to eat since 10/14 and is approaching the end. They started her morphine drip today to ease the pain. Our family was so relieved when my grandmother agreed to that feeding tube. I think it was our selfishness that gave us the relief. Because my grandmother has suffered tremendously from that decision. The feeding tube only prolonged the inevitable and at my grandmothers expense. I truly understand how you feel and hope this will get easier with time. Its absolutely consuming me. I will be praying for you and your family as well as my own.