Hello everyone. I am new to this forum and really am not sure why I am here, except for the fact that I think I need help. I lost my dad on Nov 12th this year, and the resulting grief has paralyzed me. I love him and miss him so much that it seems like getting through each day without him is not possible. I seem to go through the motions when I am in the presence of others, but once alone I fall apart. I find it difficult to get out of bed, burst into tears without notice, and have little patience for those around me. I avoid answering the phone, and dealing with others in general. I dread taking a shower each day because it always ends in a meltdown when the memories, thoughts and the reality of it all swoops in with a vengence. My heart is broken and I do not know what steps I can take to begin repairing it. To top this all off, my thoughts are continually bombarded with the image of my father dying. While a part of me knows that I am blessed to have been with him right until the very end, and that he felt safe enough in the presence of his family to let go of life and end his pain, the other part of me is devestated by this. Before cancer, my father was a vibrant, young at heart man who rode a Harley and loved a good joke. This is the dad I want to remember, not the frail old man who took his last breath while his family watched, helpless. My grief is making me feel like I am failing my family, failing my mother and most of all, failing him. I know that he would not want this for me.
