I just lost my husbadn of 44 years 11 days ago. I cannot een describe the immense hurt, grief, sense of loneliness, despair, and emptiness. I closed myself off for 4 days in a bedroom at my daugher's (with our 2 cats) and just cried. That didn't help, but I honestly doubt anything will. I want so much to be ith him. I stopped taking my heart meds and eating so perhaps I can join him sooner. He was my whole life although we do have 4 children and 9 grandchildren. We had a wonderful relationship, did everything together and he was my best friend. So much of me left when he did, I just wish it had been my body & soul as well, as I now feel no will, no wanting to go on and I cannot imagine life without him in it. I know people go through this al the time, but how????? I miss him sooooooooooooo very much and want him back, even though he did suffer the last year and I would not want him to go through any more suffering. I do not know what to do. Our kids are spread around the country and only 1 and 2 grandkids live near where we live. The 2 up North in NY want me to stay with them ( I am at my daughter's in NY now). I hate going to sleep because then I know I will wake up and he will not be here and I do not want to face that. I hate going to bed because I always reached out to toucfh him so I knew he was there and then I could sleep. My whole being hurts and my heart actually does feel broken. How can I get through this? He was in hospic just short of 24 hours when he left me. If someone out there can help, please...........................
