The last time I saw my daughter alive and well was the afternoon of 22nd April 2008, she came for a visit with her husband hobbling on her crutches, she had torn the ligaments in her ankle about three weeks prior, when I kissed and hugged her that afternoon I had no idea what lay ahead. At about 2.30am Wednesday the 23rd April we were woken by the Police to inform us our daughter had suffered a coronary arrest. On that date I hadn't spoken to my third born daughter Tanya for over 2 1/2 years so my first question to the Police was "which daughter". When my husband rang the hospital we discovered it was our eldest daughter Rebbecca (Becky)- 30 years old. We arrived at the hospital just after 3am to find her on life support and in an induced coma, which they told us she would stay in for the next 24 to 48 hours. The nursing staff told us her heart had stopped for about 4 to 5 minutes, which for this amount of time was not fatal. We got home around 6am and tried to get a couple of hours rest, my husband had to go to work (he thought and felt positive she'd be fine). When I rang the emergency department at around 10am they put me through to ICU and upon speaking to one of the nursing staff she told me Beck's heart had stopped from 40 to 50 minutes, and she had blood clots on the lungs and they were administering anti coagulants. We got into hospital around 12.30pm to find they were already trying to bring her out of her coma, to which she wasn't responding too well. As we hadn't had anything to eat my second daughter Angela and I, popped out for around half an hour, Beck's husband also left to go home for a while. When we arrived back at the hospital my third born Tanya, her husband, my eldest sister and her daughter (my niece) had turned up. Upon entering ICU we were told Beck had fluid on the brain and things didn't look good. Later on that afternoon the doctors wanted to see Beck's husband Mark and ourselves to tell us that by the end of the night Beck was going to die, they said there was no hope. Hour after hour went by with nothing but despair, sorrow and dread, words cannot describe how I felt. When my husband and my youngest daughter arrived at the hospital - there was so much sadness (my husband kept saying while she's alive there's still hope). We had only been home about 1/4 of an hour when the hospital rang and told us she was becoming unstable, her blood pressure was dropping. We all raced back to the hospital, we watched in dread and despair and watched her blood pressure falling, we stayed with her begging her to hold on, holding her hand and crying, crying and crying. We gave permission for her organs to be used. Our Beck was pronounced dead at 12.40am on the 24/4/08 the day after her Grandmother's birthday. That hole night was like a nightmare, too unbelievable to comprehend that this was/has all happened. My child, my flesh & blood was gone. Our lives have changed so much, this world seems so empty without her. I miss her so much and haven't stopped crying a day since she's been gone. I hate that this has happened and I wake every morning wishing it to be a nightmare - only to find another day without her. Even though I have my wonderful supportive husband and three other beautiful daughters - one of whom has come back into our lives (including 2 grandsons) through this terrible tragedy, I find it so terribly hard to cope. I hate waking to a new day. When she complained about the pain in her ankle, was that neglect of the doctor? The ambulance she was picked up in had to wait for another one to arrive so they could administer adrenalin which started up her heart, but too late. Is this their fault, could this have been prevented? I ask myself these questions everyday, did the hospital make a mistake? I have trouble sleeping, I've lost weight and my heart has so much pain - if feels like physical pain but it's not. I hate this life without my daughter, I miss her so much and you don't realise how much you love someone until they're gone.
