atlruby

Hello. Sept 10, 2007 is the day that is in my heart forever. i too lost my husband suddenly from a heart attack. i said goodnight and went upstairs to bed. My usual routine would have been to watch the late night news until he came up but for whatever reason - i did not turn on the the TV but went straight to sleep. I awake 7AM, went into the kitchen and found him on the floor (apparently he had a heart attach 2 hours after i said good night to him ) Funny but his MD did not want an autospy but my 2 sons insisted . That report did take a long time but it showed that he had 3 blocked arteries. Yes he had been referred to a cardiologoist and yes they ran a couple of tests - but he was tall - thin - and played golf 4 days a week - so i think they all just wanted to wait and see - and did not really think that he had major cardic disease. They just put him on medication and said you are OK -Anyway it has been 9 months and 2 weeks but i still can see and remember everything about the morning that i found him on the floor. We had been married for 39 years and he was everything to me and to others too. He was a business man and was so well liked and loved by many folks. This i think makes it hard too. Many folks just don't know what to say when they see me - they think that i should be over this! at christmas i would get such strange cards talking about the next year and happy this and a joyful holiday! but i did have a couple of caring folks that took the time to find cards that spoke to my needs. Boy - do i appreicate HallMark and those card companies! with so much time - i really do read cards and keep them too. Life does go on but how we manage each day and hour is still a challenge. i'm glad i found this forum. Where else can you find someone at 3am to vent to? i did do the group /church therapy session but most of those folks had lost husbands 5-10 years ago and they were using the group as a social outing . I tried one on one sessions (my insurance did pay for those visits) but then i started to feel like she was taking time that i needed to do other things - oh well - and or course my MD was quick to say that drugs are what i needed . tried but could not take the odd feelings that i got on them - books - do you have a library card? i was amazied at the number of books on the subject - yes - some are out dated but i found a couple that did help.