My Sweet Roger I Miss You So Much

[angeleyesforhim]

hello all, my name is sara, im 25 years old and i lost my husband to testicular cancer that turned into lung andbone carcinoma, sort of like Hodgins decease. he was 44 years old and we very little time together, he was sick for about 2 months and just out of no where he died. There were so many things that happened during the process of his dieing, that i dont know where to begin, he thought he had a sinus infection, and could not get rid of this cough he had. so one night i took him to the er he hated doctors and begged me not to take him, but he began to cough up blood. so as his wife and a nurse i did what i had to do. from there things were not the same. It was January 8th he was told he had a tumor on his right lung, the man already fought testicular cancer in 99 and fought it well, but this time he was not so lucky. We had a two year old and a five year old and his 17 year old son. everything was just taken from us.So after doctor appointment after appointment, roger passed on FEeb 21st of 06, i know what you thinking wow!! so fast your not kidding, he even had Lance armstongs doctor in indiana University, he was care flighted there on a ventalator, where at the age of 25 i wathced my husband die slowly and painfully and he had no idea, things began to look up he came off the resirator about 3 weeks after the transfer and was talking to me and sitting up in his bed, he visited with most of his family. it was great the docs were saying lets get you eating and then we will send you home, but the night they told us that, roger just could not get his breath so that was it, he did not want on the ventaltor anymore. so his only option was to die, the fights with his family began, the doctors and his family never told him that he was going to die, they told him that he was going to go to sleep, he never knew he was going to die, so he never took the time to tell me goodbye, his parents then just left the hospital while i was sleeping in his arms and they left, they went back to Ohio and dint stay with there son till he died, they took him from me. and they dint have the nerve to stay with me to watch him die. i had to go through it by myself for 20 hours. please i need a friend

[Guest PattiZ54]

Angeleyes - I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I know that many people have told you that and it got to the point, with me, that I was tired of hearing "I'm sorry"....so am I!!! I lost my beloved Charlie almost 1 1/2 years ago. (Dang, that sounds like a long time!) It's so hard to believe - I don't care HOW long it's been! Anyway, he developed lung cancer due to him having systemic scleroderma, so I understand the cough and the spitting up blood and all that. He was diagnosed with lung cancer on September 27, 2004 and he passed away November 16, 2004 - didn't even make it two months. Originally he went into the hospital the day he was diagnosed and they ran some tests, put him on oxygen and after about 5 days he came home. He was on the max amount of oxygen you can be on at home until October 22. He said, that morning, that he couldn't get his breath and he couldn't seem to think very clear or make any decisions. Now I know that was because of the lack of oxygen in his system. His oncologist thought that maybe he was dehydrated so they suggested we take him to the ER and have an IV put in to re-hydrate him. By the time we got to the ER his tank of oxygen had run out and his lips were turning blue. They put him on the max oxygen and wanted him to go on a respirator, but he refused. The ER doc had told him that if he went on it he probably wouldn't come off it, so that scared him and he decided not to go on it at all. After 25 days in Intensive care his oxygen stats continued to get worse and he finally agreed to the respirator, but made me promise to not keep him on that. (he had a bad transition to the respirator - I think he had a heart attack. It took them 8 hours to get him stabilized) That was Sunday and Tuesday morning his mom called me from the hospital and said the doctor had told her he wouldn't survive the week. WE WERE STUNNED!! They had told us all along that the respirator would let his body rest and heal - well, that was crap! His whole family was at the hospital, Tuesday, and we all made the decision to start taking his blood pressure medicine away to see how his body reacted. He passed away in 2 hours.

The most horrible day of my entire life!!!! He WAS my life and now I don't have him anymore. I miss him so much!!!!! Everyday! Charlie was 46 years old.

So...I understand your pain. ALL of us do. We are here for you. Anything you want or need to say, you can say here and we will ALL understand!

I am truly sorry that at your young age you have had to experience this!!! Time will make things easier, but you will never forget. You know that Roger loved you and he knew you loved him. You can still talk to him to let him know - I do all the time. I'm sorry you never got to say goodbye - I understand how painful that can be - just know in your heart that he KNEW you loved him.

I know none of this helps, but maybe it will help just knowing that we have all been through this and we will help you get through it too. There are so many caring people on this site and we ALL want to be your friend! Please come here often and say anything you want. We are here for you.

My thoughts are with you today and everyday!!! I'm glad you found us.

Patti

(Charlie 6/10/58-11/16/2004, I love and miss you, Dear!)