Dad Remarried Within A Year Of Moms Death

[suz]

I am sure my situation is not unusual. I lost my Mom 5 years ago and within a year my Dad remarried. I am 44 now and he is 80. I feel as if I can't finish my grieving process because I am an only child, as was my Mom, and my Dad will not talk about my Mom with me. I would like to be able to talk with someone who remembers her (like my Dad) but because of his second wife I never get a chance to talk with him alone. She and I do not get along and I feel very unconfortable in their home as a guest rather than a daughter. Any suggestions?

[wiggleworm6200]

My heart goes out to you and I can relate to your situation, but on the other side I guess you could say. Let me try and explain...I met my husband July 11th of 1999. His first wife had just passed away the first part of june and at first I was unsure if he had grieved enough to be able to start a new relationship. Once he had explained to me what he had gone through with her being in a coma for 4 months or so before this, for him, his grieving process had already begun. He has a son, who has a terminal lung disease, and he got along well with my two children so I decided to try and see where this relationship blossum. I kept in mind the pain they were going through and helped my step son now through his greiving process. We were planning to marry months later, but his first wife's parent's put us through heck. I mean it! You are not going to believe this, but they actually took out a warrant on us for cohabitation. This law had not been prosecuted in my city since 1963. Our lawyer advised us the best thing to do...if we were serious about getting married was to get married before the court date. So I guess you could say we were hurried in the process.

Now that I have explained myself a bit. Let me say that I am so sorry that your dad doesn't share memories with you about your mother in heaven. Whenever my son (step- son...but he is a son to me) wants to talk about her I encourage it and I even show him videos of her whenever he is sad and I watch it with him. Last Christmas, I got him his first leather wallet and when he opened it...there was only one picture in it...HIS MOTHER IN HEAVEN.

This is what I would do. If you feel you can't talk then get a pen and paper and write your dad a letter and start out saying please take the time to listen and understand my feelings. I do think it would be nice if you could try and bury the hatchet with your step mom too. After all you do have one thing in comon...you both love your dad. You can start there and build on it. In the letter ask your dad for a "father-daughter date" you might want to write one to your step mom sharing your feelings about this too. Share with her that you don't want to TAKE time from her...just want to spend some time with your dad. Add in there too some time for you two to go shopping without dad. Let the pain go...and the healing begin.

If you would like to talk to someone...I can be there to listen.

Reaching out...

wiggleworm6200