Today I Miss You

[Elizabeth A.]

Dear Jenn,

Today I miss you. Oh how I miss you. My cousin Alicia? You remember her? She would have been in the last class you ever taught, but she lost the baby? Well this time she made it to term. The baby is a beautiful boy. But oh the issues he is facing! They had to transfer him to a level 3 NICU, you know the one, where Scott and Melissa had their daughters? Oh geez, I miss you so much today. Your wonderful laugh and your sometimes brass way of putting things would align me today. Oh Jenn. Even the way you tell me you don't know the answer echos in my head. All day long I have wished to talk to you. All day long I have missed you. Now I can't stop the flow of tears. Oh Jenn, my friend, my teacher, my fount of wisdom. I pray I will find the strength I need. I pray, oh please dear Lord don't call this little baby home to you. His family needs him. He's only days old and already they need him. Help me Jenn, I don't have the knowledge you did. Help me be the person I need to be.

Your friend,

Elizabeth

[Elizabeth A.]

Dear Jenn,

Today missing you is like a serpent in my throat, a deep dark evil sort of pain. If you were here you would be laughing I just know it, or perhaps be experated with me. My cousin's son is still in the NICU, would you believe she pushed so hard his entire head is covered in bruises and swelling? I wish you could have been there to teach her. I know, I know, she didn't want to learn, and now look at where we are. Some days I hate your ex husband. I hate that he took you away. But each time the hate pulls back and I see the ugly suffering he must have been in to do what he did. What an act the two of you had going. It makes me crazy that you had to hide what was going on, the abuse. No one should have to do that. I have always thought to myself of how strong you were. How difficult it must have been for you to be so strong on the outside while suffering so very much on the inside. At least you have your children with you now and you have my little cats too and of course Linda's son. I wonder at myself, at the continued pain in my heart, why is it, that is seems the entire world has moved on? Yet here I sit, crying... and feeling so barren.

The arrival of this little boy is salt in my heart and that kills me. He's a member of my family. I love his just for that alone. Did I tell you he has MRSA? So I wonder with my immune system being the way it is, if I will ever be able to hold him at all, ever. His mother, my mother, they could carry it and give it to me. Then where would I be? Perhaps with you, and then my own daughter would be alone, I can't have that. I don't know how, but I know how much I am needed where I am. I just don't know what to do. I miss you, oh how I miss you.

[STARKISS]

Hi Elizabeth A,

It sounds like Jenn, was a wonderful friend to you... It must have been hard to lose someone like that... The only think I can add is that you have your memories and until you see her again you will just need to hold them close to you... I hope this helps Shelley

[Elizabeth A.]

Dear Jenn,

I dreamed about you a couple of nights ago, as I'm certain you already know. that of course prompted me to look once again at the gruesome case of your death, (sigh) and of course you know what I found. More questions, questions more painful than the truths I already knew.

Oh Jenn, I'm so sorry for your prolonged suffering. All I can do is shake my head and say he wasn't well. But that's no excuse. It pains me to no end to read how the system failed you. To know of your great deeds and still it wasn't enough. Of course they say the good die young, and even thinking that I can see you rolling your eyes at me. But my dear friend you were taken from all of us to soon.

It fills me with terror what he'd done, thought, and typed into that computer the police reviewed. I don't know what the afterlife holds for us, and I try very hard to remind myself that you are safe and loved where you are now, never to feel that pain or hurt again.

I hear there is a tree planted in honor of your children as well as yourself, a white blooming one no less. I shall pray it does better than Linda's little tree did.

Do you know my wee lost kittens where you are? I hope so. It's all I could tell myself when they left me that you and your little ones needed them to play with. Yes, I know it might not be. But I can't help but hope they found your way to you. I'm sure you'll love them as they deserve to be loved and vice verca.