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2 Years Later, Still The Same


firefly

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Hey I'm not a teen I'm 22. But I like it over here:-) I feel like the things you guys are writting about are alot more exploritory, There seem to be more responses to the subjects too.

My brother died almost 2 years ago now. I haven't delt with it much. I guess it just feels pointless to dwell on. Nothing can change the facts. A lot of the time I enjoy talking about him...Levi...I enjoy remembering. And then a period of time will come where I just feel sick to my stomach and sometiemes it is hard to breath. I don't realize for a couple days sometimes that it is that feeling, back again. It is like a huge storm cloud that follows me. I don't know when it will come, how long it will stay or how to get out from under it. I believe in God. I have a personal relationship with Jesus my savior and friend. I know that he is in control and that this wasn't outside of his will for my life. I trust him. I don't even think I am angry with him. This is separate. This must be that word...grief. It is so physical. So draining. I wonder if it will always be like this. It just doesn't take much. If the weather is just right I wake up feeling like it is the morning of his funeral. This is a bad week. I need to become more educated in "grief" any thoughts?

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  • 1 year later...

Hi.. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother! I feel a lot like you do sometimes. I'll be okay for a while, then I just seem to remember everything and I feel so torn apart. I've felt like the past yr has been a complete roller coaster. My mom is always pushing me to get over this and to move on. It is frustrating that she doesn't understand how I feel. I also moved out of my moms in the beginning of the yr, so now I've been stressed out over bills. I feel like parts of my heart slowly come back again. It is draining though and exhausting. Especially when you feel like you're alone. My friends were very supportive to me in the beginning, but after a few months it seemed like they all moved on with their lives while I am stuck. I also wonder if it will always be like this. Everybody said it would just take time, but the more time goes by.. The more I realize that it doesn't get any better, everything just gets different. I lost a close friend... Almost a boyfriend. But a few yrs ago my brother was diagnosed with lymphoma at 21. The doctors told us he only had 2 weeks to live and I can still remember the way it broke my heart to see him on the respirator in ICU. I remember how scared it was to feel like we were going to lose him. I can't really answer your questions about grief, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about your brother and if you do need somebody to talk to, I'm here. I realize this post was really old too and I'm not sure if you use this anymore, but I wish you the best!! Take care! And Merry Christmas... I know it must be hard at this time for you and your family. I'll keep you in my prayers!!!

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