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Anticipating Is Over

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My aunt louise had been sick with cancer for a long time. My baba was too until she died. I had to deal with anticipatory grief (moreso with baba).

This morning my aunt louise died.

Is it bad that I'm somehow relieved?

I also just don't know how to feel about it. I wasn't terribly close to her...but I did visit her at the hospital frequently and played guitar for her.

I played guitar at my baba's funeral and louise was doing chemo that day so she couldn't be there, so she asked me to play the song (somewhere over the rainbow) for her. so I went to the hospital and played and it just kept going.

I'm scared that I might miss louise's funeral. I am at camp all week (i leave in an hour and a half, yay!!) and I don't know when the funeral will take place and stuff...I wish I could be there and I'm scared I won't be. I hope I'll be able to though. I need that closure ya know?

See ya.


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