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This House Feels So Lonely

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My Mom will be gone for 3 weeks this Thursday. I love this house. I pray and hope I can stay in it, as I have lived here for 36 years and it is home to me. I love it.

But since my Mom's passing, it feels so lonely. It is not the same. I cannot express how sad it feels around here. The absence of my Mom is constantly felt and there is absolutely no escaping it. I am so used to having her here and doing things for and with her. Things she did for herself and did for me and things I did for her are now gone forever. Taking in the newspaper for her, getting groceries for her, watching TV with her, getting phone calls from her, calling her on the phone, having simple conversations with her, laughing with her and just her talking to me are all gone forever and ever and ever. Waking up in the morning and not smelling her coffee, not hearing her voice, not going to tell her goodbye, not being able to call her on the phone during the day (or anytime) and not telling her hello when I get home are just killing me. I want her back so much and I want to see her and talk with her. There were few days in my life when I did not speak to her (only when either of us was out of town and even then I always called her when I could). She was always there should I need help with anything and was just there for me for any reason.

Everyone gets the general idea I am sure. It is just so sad around here. I can't make it happy. Tonight I resumed some of my usual activities (playing my drums and exercising) for the first time in almost 3 weeks, but they too felt strange knowing my Mom was not here. Our dog is wonderful, but she too is lonely without my Mom.

I am so sad right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I JUST WANT MY MOM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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