sunstreet Posted July 2, 2010 Report Share Posted July 2, 2010 I feel so angry at my partner. Why did she have to leave me? Didn't she love me, love us? I just woke in a horrible fear state and wondered why my partner wasn't there next to me. I called out for her. I went looking for her, couldn't find her, then it hit me...she is gone. Am I going crazy? I need her now, I need to be held. I am frightened to face cancer without her. Learning I have endometrial cancer has served as a catalyst for the loss of my children to come to the surface again. I had three children, I miscarried my first son at 8 months after being beaten by the man I was married to. My second son was still born. My daughter only lived three days. Why did I marry that man I was gay. Oh but to be gay in the family I was born into was sinful, not allowed. I was raised by violent alcholics, and married a violent alcholic, I was so young, I was just a child really. I would jump right out of my body if I could. I ache with sorrow. I keep going to the moment of discovering my partner dead. I can't get it out of my mind. Why, oh why. If I climbed the tallest mountain, stood there on the top and screamed at the top of my lungs for the rest of my life it would not even begin to express the pain that I feel. Just can't stop weeping. Sunstreet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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