One Month And Her Birthday

[Aquarius7]

My Mom passed away on June 3, 2010. And her birthday is July 3, 2010. It was a very sad day. And our usual birthday/4th of July get together was not the same without her. We all were trying to have a good time, but it was not really happening. I just can't try to be happy when my best friend of my entire life was taken from me and is gone forever from my life here on this earth.

Every day is horrible without her. I cannot get motivated about things and everything I do is forced and not fulfilling. I make myself do things in order to not go crazy and to try not to dwell on her absence. I cried tonight thinking about her as I do nearly every day and/or night. Each and every morning is horrible waking up without my best friend. I just miss her so much! (I just broke out crying as I type this!)

SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[niamh]

hi Acquarius,

aw I am so sorry, that is a double blow to have to cope with, each of those days are so hard, there are no words to describe how awful they are.

I know what you mean when you say you can't try to be happy now that your Mom is gone, I feel I just don't understand happiness anymore, it's just gone, just like my Dad.

I do what I have to, I go to work, I do what I need to do in here but the enjoyment is so gone. My Dad and missing him is always on my mind. I've cried myself to sleep so bad these last few nights. I am so sick of not seeing him, I just want him back.

I feel this is as "good" as it gets, for me anyways, i can go to work, I do my best with my job, I am no longer motivated to further my career (combination of what's happened along with feeling like I've had enough knocks in work too so i just give up, I will do what I need to make sure I keep my job). I meet friends every so often. I don't enjoy anything and I feel like I am just waiting for this to be over so I can go be with my Dad. my life ended the day he left, I'm empty inside yet stuck here without a choice. I can't imagine how this will ever change, every day is a day closer to getting to being with him.

ok, enough rambling, I am sorry, I have no words or advice to help you

hugs and love to you tho

niamh

[Butterfly9]

Dear Aquarius7,

Sending you comforting hugs (((( )))))))). I am so sorry for all the pain you are going through. I understand. It has been a little over 4 months now since my Dad crossed over and the pain and grief has not eased. Nothing is ever the same when we lose a precious loved one. It is really hard for me to have a good time and laugh. I feel dead inside. My Dad is also my best friend. We talked about so many things.

Even though I know my Dad is healed and in a better place, the reality of him never being here again in the physical form just kills me inside. I can’t make new memories. My Mom , Dad and I would go to the city for lunch and walk on the Pier or the ocean or just walking/hiking. He really enjoyed his Cappuccino and looking out at the lake. Oh how I miss those days and my precious Daddy. I would love to turn back time and prevent his illness and have him here with my family and me. Life would be so wonderful.

I am not motivated either about things. I work in the garden and do things in honor of my Dad. It is so hard not to dwell on our loved ones absence because it is ever where. Basically I just go through the motions daily and do basic things what is needed. I keep asking myself “how do people get through this?” Wouldn’t it at least be nice if we got just one day out of the year to spend with our loved ones in the afterlife? That would be great.

When I feel so terrible I read my afterlife books. It makes me feel a little bit better. I always say “he should be here with us and not there”. I know I have to be thankful that I had my Dad in my life. It doesn’t matter how old they are when they cross over or graduate to the other side, it still wasn’t enough time. I will always want more. I can’t get those terrible pictures out of my mind when he was ill and in the hospital. I wanted so much to make him better, to heal him and take his pain away. There was nothing I could do. I had no control over the situation. It was out of my hands. There are times where I am angry. I guess that is all a part of the grief journey.

Know that you are not alone on this difficult journey. Everyday more people are embarking on this journey. I have really been having terrible crying spells calling out to my Dad. I pray for signs that he is still around me. I haven’t had a dream in awhile. I keep on asking. Soon I will start practicing mediation and see if I can reach him that way. However, this past weekend I felt my Dad sent me two beautiful butterflies my way. One was fluttering around me and the plum tree. Then they were flying around the passion flower vine. They stayed for awhile. I haven’t seen them before or since. I was thinking of getting a live butterfly kit. Once they turn into butterflies you release them in the yard. I think I would like to do that in honor of my Dad. They do say transition into the afterlife is like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly (new form).

Sending you hugs, love comfort and strength.

Butterfly9