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Did I Try To Hard Today?


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I don't think you tried too hard. You were just expressing concern and showed support to your co-worker and that is OK. Don't obsess about how he responded or whether he was too busy to talk. Just be aware that when we grieve, there may be times where we want to be left alone and others where we may want to reach out or feel the need to talk to others. I am not sure if you have lost a loved one, but my advice to you would be to just be yourself and try to pick the best time of the day to talk to him.

I lost my father almost a year ago, and I was very surprised to find out who was really there for me. People who you think you knew, turn out to walk out on your pain, and others who you don't relate to much, show enormous support.

Another tip for you is, unfortunately, we will miss that loved one for the rest of our lives, and whether it is true we know we must go on, we just are not the same people we were prior to the loss. So, just be gentle and supportive with this person, and be aware that a loss is not something you just end up getting over, but rather learn to process and learn to adjust to. That adjustment may well take up the rest of our lives.

I don't mean to portray a depressing picture to all of this, because it is true eventually one can remember to laugh about small stuff, but the pain and the grief of losing that person, will remain with us in one way or another.

It is very nice of you to have that gesture towards your co-worker, and let him know you want to provide support in any way you possibly can ( if you mean it of course). I say this because many people say they will provide support buta few days later it seems like they have forgotten about the bereaved.

This is just my piece of advice to you, hope I didn't sound too direct but I just wanted to provide some insight into grief that I hope can be of help to you and your co-worker.



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Please don't stop reaching out to your co worker. I have suffered a terrible, sudden loss with the death of my husband in an accident and I can tell you that almost everyone disappeared after a short time. My grief has been an ever present companion and I yearn for someone to acknowledge not only my pain but also my husbands life. Very few people will call me because they are so worried about saying the wrong thing or ruining my day. The reality is that my loss is much deeper than a passing emotion. My loss has changed my identity, I am now the widow instead of there friend.

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