scref Posted October 5, 2010 Report Posted October 5, 2010 My 27 year old sister passed away suddenly on July 31st. We have received autopsy confirmation that her heart was bad, but she had never been diagnosed with any heart issues. She left behind a beautiful 3 year old daughter that my mother is now raising. I am the oldest sister and I always prided myself on taking care of my 2 sisters and baby brother. Now that we are going through this grief I feel so very weak. I have had to be put off work for an extended length of time, my days are filled with Dr's visits, counselling visits, grief groups. I myself have a 5 year old daughter that I have to keep living life for. Some days it is just so hard to even get out of bed. To make the situation that much more difficult, I life in Nova Scotia, Canada, and my family is all in California. I got to go there and spend 2 weeks with them and help plan the services and say goodbye to my sisters earthly body. My youngest sister begged me not to leave her alone with her grief, and I felt horrible. I feel like I need my mom, my other sister, my brother to get through this grief. I want to hold my niece, the part that my sister left behind for us. I know there is no magic time line when things are going to get better. I just wish that this big ball in my stomach would ease, the panic attacks would ease, and I would be able to sleep.
sunstreet Posted October 5, 2010 Report Posted October 5, 2010 I am so sorry for your loss and the ensuing journey of grief. I hope it helps to know that I understand. I too lost a sister, she suicided. Take good gentle care, feed yourself, get rest when you can, and know that I and others understand. Blessings, Carol Ann
Ron B. Posted October 5, 2010 Report Posted October 5, 2010 Scref - Almost all of us here have been through a difficult ordeal with grief. Though you feel great distress now, at the end of your grief there will be healing. It just takes time and effort. For now, just take things one day at a time. You will find strength as you need it. I agree that it's the bonds of family that help most through grief. I am glad you have that. I hope you also find healthy ways to air your grief. Expressing emotion tends to relieve some of our distress; crying is good! Telling our stories seems to help a lot too. Try to find activities every day that help you feel just a bit better. That could be talking to friends, going for walks, keeping a diary, sharing a meal, getting exercise, or just finding quiet time. Anything that helps you cope is generally good. Many of us have sleep disorders, so don't feel alone in that. Your raw grief will gradually ease. I don't know why grief is so brutal; our humanity is tested to its limits. Somehow we survive it all, learn, and become wiser. I hope our community helps you find your way. - Ron B
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