Daughter2010 Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 What an uncomfortable dream! It woke me up crying. In the dream I had come home to visit and mom had told me she was getting ready to travel somewhere to meet this gentleman...and I was extremely surprised in the dream..I thought..it's only 16 months since dad..... I guess my own subconscious is trying to deal with the fact that dating for mom might be a possibility again. In the dream and just now as I write I am reminded of the loss we experienced. For mom finding someone to love her like dad did? I don't know... Dad was a very good husband to her...I am not saying one day if she decides to seek love again she won't find it...I am saying it will be hard to find. Mom married dad when she was 19. They dated 5 yrs prior to that. Mom is still having a rough time remembering all those times dad was in the hospital. She says at times she can't get them out of her mind. I don't think she is looking to date again yet...but she may someday. She is 54 and I don't know whether she would seek companionship or be by herself for the rest of her life. At this point either choice is hard to deal with. I want for her what would make her happy. I don't want for her to ever feel she is alone because she is not. I am just probably not ready to face that kind of situation if it ever comes...am I making sense? Having this dream just reminded me of dad not being here. It hurts, I felt like things shouldn't be this way...dad shouldn't have died, but yet it is the reality I , mom and my brothers have to live with everyday. Life is so different without him and I am having a difficult time adjusting. Just some thoughts... -L Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niamh Posted February 23, 2011 Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 hi Daughter2010 that sounds like a very tough dream to have. People have kind of jokingly mentioned it to my Mom about meeting someone else and she absolutely hates when they do. She doesn't want to, it was something she always said over the years actually that there is just no way she would want to or could. Like your Dad mine was just a fab husband to her and nobody could ever live up to him for her. My Mom is 65 and is "happy" to be on her own now ........you know what I mean with that comment ! For me it's beyond comprehension her meeting someone else. Yes you are making absolute sense not being ready if your Mom did decide she would like to meet someone. I'm sorry your Mom is having a tough time remembering those times in hospital, it's so hard when they start kicking in, in your mind........I still have it on and off. While much of it is very vivid to me, at the same time I can sit and wonder how real it was, did I really go through all that and it's hard to believe that YES I really did. (((big hugs))) to you hun Niamh xo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daughter2010 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 Thanks Niamh. I guess I needed some validation of my thoughts, my feelings and emotions. It is tough to lose a father, you know that. I miss him so much, how am I going to live the rest of my life? I know grief is 3 steps forward, 2 backwards..and so on. His passing has changed me forever. How do people do it? how do they feel 5 years down the road?10 years? and so on? I know for now we just have to get through the day, the hour, the moment. Life feels different without my father here. Thanks for listening. -L Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niamh Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 yep I still get scared Daughter2010 when I think of having to be here for years without him. I am still feeling the knock on affect in terms of my judgement, trusting myself, trusting others.......it frustrates me to no end at times but I know old Niamh will never be back, I have to adapt to this new person. I still can't get my head around a lifetime without him, so yep as you say day by day, hour by hour. I can't imagine feeling any different in 5 yrs, 10 yrs or any amount of time.....I try to think of each year as me being one year closer to seeing my Dad, not to sound morbid but it gives me the tiniest little comfort that I'm getting closer to seeing him again hopefully. Life does feel so different, every single part of it, all my routines are different and sometimes it plain bugs me, I want to have a normal day where my Dad is here, not a day of routine changes because he's not here. ((hugs)) and love to you, Niamh xo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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