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So Many Thoughts

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My parents are living my worst nightmare because my brothers 14 month fight with a terrible sarcoma doesn't look winable anymore and the Dr.'s are hinting hospice. A incredible rage is the only thing keeping me and my other brother going. We haven't cried or mourned yet out of fear of not stoping. Both parents where able to retire to be his caretakers at 59 which was great, but they both just can't take on the next important steps of this nightmarish situation so me and my older brother are making his last wishes and decisions come true.(Will, Service's, etc.) My parents made so many sacrifices for us and he is so talented, smart, and a incredible catch for some lucky lady the complete unfairness of this is unbelievable. He turned 30 last month and the Dr.'s were so happy with his progress and said at the start he does have a 60% to beat this. The cancer just started coming back to fast for his body to fight. As a volunter fireman I understood how life can be taken without notice or drasticly changed. We worked together almost 10 years and the most important thing I told him was to be happy because some asshole could run a light and it's gone. I never thought he listed but he did. There's so much left but a lot of trips and important decisions he made he used that as his guide and thanked me for. I feel bad if I smile are even take my mind off him or my parents. I haven't slept 2 hours in a row in 3 days and am just so enraged but there is nothing to blame are no one to fault its a pile of fear and emotion inside my head. I'm just one more person that has to deal with what a lot of others had to also.

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I am so sorry about your brother. My brother had cancer when he was 28 and I know how frightening it was for all of us. I hold you all in the light. mfh

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