The New Year - Mixed Feelings

[Babypod]

Well - I hope everyone has a safe and happy New Years. I can't believe 2011 is coming to an end. Living in Florida for the first time it really seems like it is still June - so hard to believe this 80 degree day is the last day of the year.

I will say - for the last few months I have just wanted 2011 to be over. This has thus far been the worse year of my life. WE lost Mrs. Gordon in Feb. Lost Grandma in April. Moved 1400 miles away - leaving everyone and everything I know and love. Not really liking Florida city living - really am a Michigan country girl. . . My father-in-law had a heart attack on Thanksgiving (thankfully he is OK). My daughter has been ill since October and we are trying to bring her back to health. Really just felt like 2011 was garbage. . .

So here I am on the last day of 2011 - I thought I would feel happy but I don't. I am hoping 2012 brings more joy. What I will say is this 2012 will be the first year since I have been born where Grandma won't exist. There will be no midnight call on New Years to say "Happy New Year!" - toasting with hot cocoa. I don't want to start a new year without her. I know I must. She did it. My Grandpa died young leaving her a widow with three young children, no job, no money, no marketable skills - but she did it even though I know her heart was broken and she didn't want to go on. So I must do it too. I just miss her so much.

Love you Grandma - today and every day.