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Hi Everyone - My Dad passed away one week ago today. He had liver cirrhosis which lead to liver failure. I have known for 3+ years that this would eventually kill him. It was a very slow, painful, and difficult process to watch my Dad - the strongest man I've ever known, end up in the state he did. My step-mom and I took care of him the last 6 days before his passed and were doing in-home hospice care. My Dad and I were extremely close. I've spent nearly every weekend with him since he first got sick, talked to him on the phone every other day, and now that he is gone it doesn't feel real. I was concerned my Dad was holding on so long because he didn't want me to see him die. So last Thursday I talked to him and told him I'd be back in 6 hours and that if he wanted to let go, that was OK, but if he wanted me there I'd be back. He ended up passing an hour later even though the hospice nurse said he wasn't showing the immediate signs when I left. So I didn't see him die and I never saw the body. In my mind, it's like he's still alive. The week I spent caring for him is all a blur - it feels like a bad dream that I just can't wrap my head around. I cry occasionally, but only when I'm alone and really think about what has happened. I cried hysterically when he passed but only for a few minutes then sobbed on and off that day. I started back to work on Tuesday - 4 days after he passed and everyone looks at me like I'm an alien. They all say they are shocked at how well I'm handling it, but it's just because it doesn't seem real. No one knows what to say to me and it makes me feel like I'm some sort of heartless person. My Dad was my world and the pain of knowing he isn't here any longer will hit me harder than anything before, but it's like my brain won't let me figure that out. It's just like any other day and I think I'm freaking people out by not showing my devastation. I'm getting married in two months and I had everything planned out with my Dad - how we'd walk down the isle, the song we'd dance to, a photo montage to play in case he couldn't dance, he even had his outfit picked out - this should be completely devastating to me, but for some reason I can't wrap my head around it. I feel sort of dead inside and like I'm just a robot going through the motions of life - burying my Dad's death deep within me so it doesn't actually hurt. It's so confusing.

Hello , I am new here and feeling thankful for somewhere to go to discuss our situation, get support and hopefully support others in similar circumstances My husband and I have been together for 50 years and married for 47 years, being childhood sweethearts when we met. (14 and 16years) like most couples, life has not been a bed of roses, but things were never bad for long and we both decided early on that we would always work things through, as neither of us would be happier apart than together For most of our marriage we have worked together in busines and recently retired, looking forward to lots of holidays and growing old together, along with our children and grandchildren in August this year, my husband became ill with a pleural effusion on his left lung, which was diagnosed as malignant, along with a massive tumour on his colon, with smaller tumours in his stomach and liver. On being told the prognosis was terminal, he refused further investigation and treatment, deciding he just wanted to come home and enjoy the remainder of his life He is able to make short outings on a mobility scooter a couple of times a week, but then needs the rest of the time to sleep and is gradually getting weaker by the day, but is so brave and strong for the sake of the family. I put on a good front, so as not to worry our grieving children , but I am not coping as well as they think, sometimes self medicating with alcohol and pain killers at nights to try and lessen the emotional pain thank you for reading this xx

My husband died in his sleep 5 months ago and I thought I was doing ok, but just this week I feel like I've slid back so far. I have a high-pressure, high-stress job that has gotten more taxing, and today I sat in my office crying, and have been so anxious and ineffective. I can't help but wonder if anyone else has backslid to this extent? Is this normal?