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Hi all. my boyfriend of 3 years passed away this year. I don’t know how I will ever get on with life. I thought that I was going to spend my life with him- we are both only 24 years old. I am finding the transition from being in a relationship to being on my own so difficult. I don’t myself telling people who come up to me in bars that I’m still in a relationship. I feel so lonely though. I am the kind of person who much prefers being with someone than being on my own, so that is something I’m finding so hard after losing him. I know that I won’t be ready to move on for a long time, but even the thought of kissing someone else turns my stomach. Will I ever feel like I can move on from this? I am young and I would like to think that in a few years I might have a partner again to share my life with, to have a family with.. but I also feel like my late partner was the ‘one’ for me. And that I will never experience that kind of love again. any thoughts welcome… thank you

My mom died November 24th, 2015. She died of cancer after being in the hospital for 6 weeks. She was only 45. She had a stroke prior to the cancer diagnosis and wasn't able to communicate at the time of her death. I was her power of attorney. Right after my mom died, I moved to another state. I moved back to my hometown. I quit my job and moved in with family friends and totally started over. The hardest part of all of this was packing up my moms stuff and placing it in storage. I haven't been quite ready to go through it so this was the easiest solution. In a couple of weeks, I have to go back and get everything from the storage unit. In addition, I'm picking up my moms ashes. She was cremated by the state due to lack of funds. Im not going alone however, I'm dreading everything. I haven't spoken much about her death because I'm just trying to cope with life without her. Those around me are open to "talking about it", but Im just not quite ready to talk about how I feel beyond my fear that I too will get cancer. I try to ignore my feelings but often find myself crying myself to sleep and not wanting to talk to anyone about it. My closest friend knows better and tells me not to shut everyone out. I have a tendency to throw myself into work and shut everyone out and use the excuse of "Im just working a lot" when in reality I'm working a lot to forget. Has anyone else struggled with talking about a parents death?

A New Time ~"There is territory of loss only we can enter. ~Martha Hickman I feel like I'm trying to make a transition from acute or short-term grief to long-term grief and I find myself struggling to find my place, again. I think the difference is that, with initial grief, people gather tightly around you, they travel closely with you. Life doesn't have much normalcy, the loss is out in front, the entire landscape of life. Long-term grief is a regaining some normalcy to life and living. A time of letting go of that tight circle that is carrying you and continuing a more solo journey although not totally alone. I need a sense of normal in my life. I don't want to be the odd-ball-out, the grieving woman. I don't want my whole identity to be my loss. I want people to see me for who I am first, and my pain second. Plus, it is too much to ask of those in my life, to be still carrying my pain. The difficult thing that comes with this is I feel like it will be forgotten, I will be forgotten, Chloe will be forgotten. People will look at me now and see someone who appears to be strong and well-adjusted. Someone who has healed. This couldn't be further from the truth. I know I still have work to do, I fall to pieces, I am shattered. There is never a day I don't feel it. The shock and feeling lost have left to a degree but still exist. I cry, I become despondent and detached, staring at ceilings, walls and floors. I lose my appetite, become irritable, want to disappear. I constantly work on regaining trust and confidence in life. I have bouts of anxiety and fear. I often don't want to be close to anyone as there is the lingering reality of losing them. I protect my heart. Life is work with moments of joy. I am working to allow myself to be happy, to figure out what happiness means now, in this new context, and how to obtain it. I am becoming better at letting myself be in the moment, whatever that means, knowing that a new moment will come.