My girlfriend is trying to cope and she wants a break.

[BLewis113]

I came across this site and saw many people have similar experiences and saw many give great advice. So I decided to make an account and share my experience and hopefully get some advice because I feel like i'm going crazy.

So last week my girlfriend came to me and she told me that we should take a break from our relationship. My heart sank and I asked her why. She told me it had nothing to do with me or the relationship and the reason she wants this is because her grandmother in South Korea is extremely ill. Not only did this news hit her emotionally but she didn't know whether she would have to move back to Korea or not and she felt that if she did have to go then we would be over. I mean I completely understand why she wanted the break. She told me that the break was to hopefully soften the blow in case she had to go. On thursday she came to me with news and said she made the decision to stay. She was crying and was very upset about her choice and we talked all night. She told me that she thought of me all the time during our break and that she does want to continue our relationship when she feels better. She told me that she needed me and she still loves me but she wants to continue our break for about a week. It felt good to hear her say all that but I hate that she is going through this...

During our break she said that she wants her independence and for us to be a little distant. No ''I love you'' or calling each other ''babe/baby''. I'm still a little bit confused on why this is since she wants to be together after all this. And at times I feel like she doesn't love me anymore, but I'm trying not to think about that and I want to give her time. We talked again last night and she seemed a little more distant but she still told me she wants to be with me, she just wants time to go through her emotions. I told her that she can take all the time she wants and that i'll be there for her.

I really love her and I hate seeing her like this and I just hope things go well. Am I thinking to much into this? Should I worry? Any advice will help.

[kayc]

It's very confusing to you because it's just as confusing to her.  I'm sorry you're going through this, I know it's hard.  I'm sorry also for what she's going through.  It will be important to not pressure her about the relationship, no "love" talk, etc. as she can take that as pressure and right now she can't handle any.  It could be the straw that sends her over the edge and pulls her back from you even further.

This is all unfair to you, but she is right, it's not about you or the relationship, it's about her situation.  She feels she can't handle anything more than what she's going through with her grandmother.

I can't tell you that everything will be okay, but I also know that worry doesn't change anything or help.  Try to take a day at a time, remember to breathe, focus on your family and friends, sign up for a class or join a gym.  In other words, keep active in your life and it will help you not to obsess about her.  Not saying you do, it's just it's easy to think about all the time when you're in And if you haven't already, you might want to read through some of the threads in this section...you will see this is a common grief response.  Not everyone responds this way but many do.  I can't say if there are any cracks or fissures in your relationship, but I know I didn't see any or expect my fiance to break up with me when he did, it came as a shock to me, when his mom was dying.  We never resumed our relationship, but we are friends, these many years later.
Here is my story: 

 

[BLewis113]

So a little bit of an update. She told me her grandmother is in stable condition and will be released from the hospital tomorrow. She told me that she is very relieved and is in a very good mood. I'm so happy things are starting to somewhat look better. I will continue giving her space and wait to see what she'll want to do. I also spent an hour or so reading through others experiences, including yours Kayc. I'm very sorry that happened to you, you're a very strong person. But as I was reading all of these, all the relationships came to end and never worked. Has anyone's relationship ever worked through something like this? or does anyone know someone who's relationship kept going? Would really like to know.

[kayc]

I remember one couple made it.  Perhaps two, but I definitely remember one, and I've read them all.  Try not to worry though, it could be that the ones that worked out just didn't come back and tell us because they were busy happily living.  Although there seem to be similarities, so is every relationship unique.  I consider mine a success story because we have remained friends after a few months break, and now it's over seven years later, we still talk on the phone, can tell each other anything/everything, and have been there for each other, I, when he was in the hospital and he, when I had eye surgery.  Our situation was complicated by his Asperger's, and it may have played heavily into what happened, they tend to have a hard time focusing on more than one thing at a time.

I'm glad her grandmother is doing better.  My sister is in the hospital with Pneumonia and Sepsis right now, it's frightening when you aren't sure what's going to happen.

[BLewis113]

It is frightening. I'm happy to hear how you pulled through and how others have managed to get through these situations. I think me and my girlfriend will be talking tonight. So hopefully some progress will be made. I hope your sister gets well soon!