FUNNYFACE

HI....I AM A ONLY CHILD (OLD ENOUGH TO BE GRANDMA) AND WAS VERY CLOSE TO MY PARENTS....WE WERE A VERY CLOSE FAMILY.....MY FATHER DIED IN MARCH 2004 AFTER 15 YRS OF ALZHEIMERS AND MY MOTHER JUST PASSED AWAY SEPT 2005 FROM AGGRESSIVE BREAST CANCER AT JUST SHORT OF 84. FOR THE PAST 5 YRS I WAS MORE OR LESS THEIR CARE GIVER...I AM ALSO A NURSE......I HAVE REALLY ENJOYED YOUR DISCUSSIONS REGARDING SMELLS ETC.....I TOO HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEKIND OF A SIGN FROM MY MOM....MY GRIEF IS SO OVER WHELMING .......MY DREAMS ARE FILLED WITH HER LAYING THERE ON THE BED AND ME UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING FOR HER.....AS A MEDICAL PERSON I FELT THERE SHOULD BE SOMETHING MORE I COULD DO BUT ALL I COULD DO WAS TO MAKE SURE SHE WAS PAIN FREE AND AS COMFORTABLE AS SHE COULD BE....SHE MISSED MY FATHER SO AND I KNOW THAT SHE IS IN A HAPPIER PLACE AND WITH HIM BUT I MISS HER SO. I AM NOT ALONE...I HAVE A WONDERFUL HUSBAND OF 38 YRS AND A WONDERFUL SON AND DAUGHTER-IN-LAW BUT THE THOUGHT OF THE HOLIDAYS JUST UPSETS ME SO......I AM ALSO BEATING MYSELF UP BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN 2 MONTHS TODAY AND I STILL FEEL SO ALONE, DEPRESSED AND NOT WANTING TO DO ANYTHING.....OR SEE ANYONE....I SHOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE THIS......WE LOST MY FATHER EVEN BEFORE HE PASSED AWAY AND THAT HAS BEEN EASIER TO HANDLE BUT I NOT ONLY LOST MY MOTHER....I LOST MY BEST FRIEND...... THANKS FOR GIVING ME A PLACE TO JUST RAMBLE.......

HI....I AM NEW TO THIS SITE.....I AM A ONLY CHILD BUT OLD ENOUGH TO BE A GRANDMOTHER AND LOST MY FATHER MARCH 2004 AFTER 15 YEARS OF ALZHEIMERS AND MY MOTHER IN SEPT. 2005 OF BREAST CANCER JUST BEFORE HER BIRTHDAY. OVER THE LAST 5 YEARS OR SO MY LIFE HAS BEEN TAKING CARE OF THEM....DID I MENTION THAT I AM ALSO A NURSE .....A INTENSIVE CARE NURSE....SO I HAVE SEEN DEATH AND GRIEVING BEFORE....SO I SHOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE THIS....BUT I HAVE NOT BEEN DOING A VERY GOOD JOB. I DON'T KNOW HOW I WILL BE ABLE TO HANDLE THE HOLIDAYS....I HAVE A WONDERFUL HUSBAND OF 38 YRS AND WONDERFUL SON AND DAUGHTER-IN-LAW BUT AT THIS PARTICULAR MOMENT ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS MY MOM... I GO TO THE PHONE AT 7PM EVERYNIGHT TO CALL MY MOTHER AND TELL HER OF MY DAY......I FEEL BAD BECAUSE THE ONLY DREAMS THAT I HAVE OF HER ARE THE ONES OF HER LAYING IN THE HOSPICE AND DYING. I HAS BOUND AND DETERMINED NOT TO LET HER DIE ALONE, MY FATHER DID, AND I WAS FORTUNATE THAT MY HUSBAND WAS THERE WHEN SHE DID PASS...I HAD JUST LEFT.....I DON'T REALLY WANT TO DO ANYTHING OR SEE ANYONE AND I SURELY DON'T WANT TO CELEBRATE ANYTHING....I AM MAD AT MYSELF BECAUSE I THINK THAT I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH THIS BETTER....... THANKS FOR LETTING ME RAMBLE.....