kath

Thanks, Marty.

Thank you, Kay. I can't stop crying.

Gizmo was my 15 year old English springer spaniel. Her tail was always on the move, so much that this year I was going to sew her a hummingbird feeder costume for Halloween with a bit of ribbon attached to her tail so it looked like she was fluttering around the feeder. She came into our lives only four years ago and immediately won the hearts of my children and I. Her spirit was gentle and oh so sweet. Some called her a healer. 

I put her to rest yesterday after she could no longer walk without falling. For the last week, I was carrying her up and down stairs. She looked so lost, sad and confused. This little girl gave it all she had. When she ran too much and her leg gave out, she would run on three legs. After spending a day at the office with me, she would race me up the stairs so she could greet me at the top. Every person she met was her new best friend. She smiled often and her tail never, ever stopped.

The pain is immense. My children are at college grieving. In ten years, we buried my beloved husband and three incredible dogs. You'd think we'd be oblivious to grief, yet each time feels like my heart will never recover. 

Goodbye, Gizmo. We will be forever grateful for your love and devotion.

Where did you go on your honeymoon? Maybe we need to plan dual vacations, amongst friends. You tell me your story, I'll tell you mine!

I can feel your love and your pain in this.

Thank you for sharing, MFH.

Dear Kay,

Congratulations to your son and to you for recognizing the true gift he has been given. I pray you made it through your day okay and that George is with your heart when you miss him most.

Take good care. I love you.

Kath

We were going to go back to Colorado where we spent our honeymoon. Staying in the cabin with the cozy fireplace, walking the streets of Estes Park, peeking in the shop windows and marveling at the elk that come into the town. I still see our reflection, his arm around my waist, the smiles on our faces, it couldn't have been more perfect.

Now, today, the day we looked forward to celebrating, I sit, wondering what to do with the box I kept with napkins and ashtrays, the toasting goblets, the feather pen, the memories.

I'm not as teary-eyed as I had anticipated, just silent. Everything inside feels still - like the air before a summer thunderstorm. Quite a contrast to what we had planned. It's days like this, I absolutely hate the quiet.

Thank you, Mary.

I just noticed this week that it was picked up by another grief support newsletter out of Wisconsin. When I first read it in print, I was sort of dreading it, because it was so personal. Now, I see even on this site, it has become something bigger and I'm thrilled. I've read the posts of things others have learned and they are so encouraging and incredible. It takes a great deal of strength to walk through this, even together, and I can't give enough credit to those who continue to do so. You and everyone here have become my heroes. There's no other word for it. I cheer for you and I thank you immensely for your encouragement.

Take good care,

Kath

Thanks, Marty.

Mike was really flirting with the camera lady that day! It was definitely a happier time for all of us.

I truly believe our loved ones are experiencing something we can not even begin to describe or understand and it is incredible and lovely and peaceful. mfh

Me, too.

The Grief Digest magazine came Saturday with this in it. My first printed article! Wow - just in time for the 4th angelversary. How time flies.

Hello Kath..if you are looking to find a site online that is free there are a few...i found Alex on plenty of fish.com..i was like you Bruce my late husband and i were married for 30 years and had 3 wonderful kids..so i know how you feel..oh and it was my daughter that talked me into trying online dating..well good luck and let me know how it works out for you.......gail

Hi Gail,

Just when I didn't think anything would happen, a spark ignited. We've been emailing and just started to talk and think about meeting. Poor guy, there are 11 guys at the office that strut around like big brothers trying to protect me. I laughed and said we should meet on the patio at work so they can intervene if needed.

I was worried about how my children would react. They're both teenagers, now. They are afraid that because he contacted me on-line, he might be a mass murderer. Very wise, my kids. They are reminding me to take precautions. Valid point.

Kath

Melina,

I just read "Heaven is for Real." It is the true story of a 3-year old's near death experience. There were many surprises in the book. The biggest surprise to me was that a non-believer insisted I read it. I couldn't put it down.

Kath

Thank you, Marty, for a well-timed post.

I recently took my rings off, just shy of 4 years without Bob. I felt really guilty about it, but I have lost so much jewelry that he has given me and these I didn't want to lose. My cousin gave me a ring that belonged to my grandma. It had a little blue stone that fell out. My engagement ring had a very tiny diamond (because I was there to help pick it out and I am much too practical, you know!)The diamond fell out years ago when I was at ECFE with the kids. Bob had always wanted to get me a larger diamond and he replaced it shortly after. I'm thinking I should put the original diamond in grandma's ring. They are two special people and they got along really well together then, so...

I'm rambling a bit here, but the mark still remains on my hand where I wore the rings for 25 years. Just this week I have been conversing with a gentlemen and am looking forward to meeting him in person. I have given up planning my timeline for moving forward. It seems to happen when the moment is right. It's a bit nerve-racking, but my heart and my head seem to be in agreement. Surviving Bob's death has taught me so much about trusting my instincts. It almost feels like Bob's still here, prodding me to keep on moving. I think he'd approve.

Kath

Kath, dear ~ The piece you've written is so beautiful that I'm wondering ~ Would you consider submitting it for possible publication in a magazine such as Grief Digest? This lovely periodical features articles on coping and dealing with grief and help for the caregiver, written by outstanding clinicians, writers and speakers in the field of grief intervention, as well as essays, stories and poems written by the bereaved themselves. You can write or call for writer's guidelines: Grief Digest Magazine, P.O. Box 4600, Omaha, NE 68104, Telephone 866-218-0101. On the Internet, simply go to www.griefdigest.com and click on Writers Guidelines. If you decide to do so, please feel free to tell the editor, Andrea Gambill (a wonderful lady), that I encouraged you to submit your lovely piece!

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Dear Marty,

I want to thank you again for your encouragement. This is being published in April 2011. It has been a dream for a long time to have an article published. I couldn't have done it without you believing in me.

Love,

Kath

So today marks another birthday, although everyday we awake is a glorious moment, I can't seem to sleep. So many emotions traveling through my veins. I really miss "before". I still yearn for it at times. Especially on an occasion as this. I miss the closeness and comfort of it. I always knew what to expect because of "before". I always knew "before" loved me and would be with me forever. It's so difficult trying not to turn around to look for "before".

For all we know, we may never meet again

"Before" you go, make this moment sweet again

For all we know this may only be a dream

We come and go like the rivers of a stream

Tomorrow was made for some

Tomorrow may never come

For all we know.

This is strikingly beautiful.

Take good care, Kath

I am just glad SassyBGrace had all of you in HER life when she needed you, as well as the other way around. I very nearly lost my dog last summer and don't know what I would have done because he's all I have. Try not to be afraid to love another again, it is in loving that we live...unfortunately, with love comes risk and more exactly, the risk of losing or being hurt again. But to withhold ourselves from loving is to be a fate worse than death.

Your dog was so beautiful and I know she was up to antics that came close to my Arlie's. I pray God give you an extra measure of grace today.

All her antics! My sister was reminding me of some of them. Love is certainly blind because I forgot all the things she destroyed! One thing she said that made me laugh was, "If I was a dog, I'd want to be in your family." Our love shows, even to non-dog people!

Kay, you are such a great mentor for unconditional love. I've never met anyone so open-hearted, even with all you've been through. I'm really glad Arlie has you! In a way, they are the lucky ones, aren't they!

Thank you, my friends.

It all came crashing down when I was in the room with the vet and he left saying I could use the phone to call someone if I needed to. I felt so awfully alone.

The breeder wants to give us a new puppy. She has some of the same markings as Sassie, but with blue eyes, like Zeus. I want so badly to run and get her, yet I'm afraid I don't have the energy to train a new pup all over again. Through all her challenges, I kept thinking I just had to get to two years. Then she'd figure out her place in our pack. We were so close. She was becoming the sweet dog I knew she could be. How do I start over?

I wanted to add, that 8 months is really early on this journey. You reach a point where even though the decisions are still difficult, you don't feel like you're alone in reaching them. Somehow, your husband's voice will echo in your thoughts and guide you on your way. Just keep hanging on. You are doing the impossible every day. In that respect, you are doing great. It's just so hard we don't recognize the progress.

Redwind,

I get it, too. It seems like I get really sick this time of year because there is too much to handle alone. So, the thing that gets neglected most, is me. I just saw this saying somewhere, "You can't eat an elephant in one bite." This has been my mantra to deal with the insanity of everything. Just keep taking little bites. And maybe invest in one of those bag sealers. That way you can cook a "regular" amount and seal the rest for an easy meal later on.

Take good care,

Kath

Thank you Kay and Ann.

I don't even think I can try to understand. It makes no sense and it is so hard on my daughter right now. too. She spent all her alone time with Sassie and now she doesn't even want to be in this house. The breeder has offered a new puppy and I want one, but I am afraid of going through all this again. I want a wall to protect me from loving any living creature because it's too hard to let go.

I found this on Marty's home page:

Your pain is the breaking of the shell

that encloses your understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break,

that its heart may stand in the sun,

so must you know pain.

— Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

And I think that I must be really knowledgeable by now because of going through all this pain. Another thing someone told me was that Sassie was a great distraction for dealing with everything else. And she was. Maybe her purpose was to help us through losing Bob, Zeus and then my nephew. She certainly took all our focus. And while it makes some sense to me, it still isn't fair that she could have been so sickly and live for so short a time. My kids deserved better. One wants to know why all the things she loves have to leave her. How do I attempt to answer that?

I had to put Sassie to sleep today. She was so sick. Thursday night she stopped eating. By today she was vomiting non-stop. They couldn't find an obstruction, but her spleen was in the wrong place and there was concern that it ruptured. I raced her from our vet to the Hospital and they couldn't see anything on the ultrasound. Whatever it was, they said probably contributed to her cluster seizures for the last several months. There's no more waiting for her to come back to normal after her seizure. She's not coming back. I don't have to step over her anymore when making dinner or chase her inside when she refuses to come in from the bitter cold. There's just this emptiness where she used to be. She'd get agitated at the kids when they would bicker. Now, I'm alone again in my agitation. She'd "moo" at the sight of us walking in the door. Now, there's no one to even notice.

Sassie would have been two years old next month. RIP little girl. We loved you.

Kath

Sorry I missed your anniversary, Kay. Did you do anything special? I'm always at a loss on what to do. I think great love, like you and George have had needs a celebration. There are the constant thoughts, of course, as I'm sure there are for you. What would he have done to celebrate 9 years?

Marty,

This article leaves me with a real good feeling. When I saw Bob at the mortuary, he had a very different smile on his face, a good one, but one I'd never seen before. I asked them if they had done that. They said, "No. He arrived that way." I can't help but wonder who it was that he was seeing. It was no doubt a happy moment.

Thanks for the reminder.

Lostdaughter,

I am deeply sorry for your loss. I think your dad was in really good company. It's just incredibly hard for us that are left behind. I hope you can end today imagining the "reunions" he must have had and take comfort in knowing he is still close by.

Take good care,

Kath