shell

Me too!!!!!

Hugs,

Shell

leeann,

Good for you! I know what you mean about the papers. I was sitting there shredding and crying my eyes out because I felt like I was just shredding our lives. It truly is the little things that get to you. But, as you said, crying doesn't mean you have to stop. I've cried through so many things, I can't imagine sometimes how I did them. I even learned I could still drive while sobbing! Not a good idea, but it can be done. Keep up the good work and just throw, throw, throw! And, remember, don't think too much....go blank!

A big hug,

Shell

Elizabeth,

I can't add any more than what the others have said, except my deepest sympathy for having to endure such an unspeakable horror. I liked what Bob said about "it is what it is". I think that's all the "sense" we can make out of anything! I'm so glad you finally wrote about this. Just talking about things helps so much, just getting it out. I hope it also encourages others, who may have stories that are not the normal death from an illness or disease, to talk about their stories too. Sometimes we feel strange talking about suicides or murders, but it might be even more important for people to talk about those incidents. And the fact that they weren't relatives, but friends, makes no difference at all. It still takes a terrible toll on you. Hang in there.

Hugs,

Shell

leeann,

Bravo! You'll get through all of it eventually! It really is so hard to do, but you took a huge step and I'm proud of you! Just don't "think" too much and keep tossing!

Hugs,

Shell

AnnieO,

Wow, that makes me believe there are real ones out there. What an experience you had! What you said about his explanation of why your mom didn't come through means so much to me. I always thought that if anyone would "contact" me after death, it would be my mom...we were so close. But I have had no signs or anything from her, that I know of, and it always makes me depressed and sad, like she doesn't want to contact me. But after reading what he told you, it makes sense to me that maybe I'm in the same postion, that there is no reason for my mom to "contact" me. It makes me feel better. Anyway, thanks for sharing that, it's fascinating. I'm going to check out his site!

Hugs,

Shell

Annie,

What a great dream! Thanks for sharing it. I'm sure you will be able to help your brother through this. I hope he's the type who will talk about it and his feelings, because I find most men (I said most, not all) aren't and I think that makes helping them so much harder. Talking about it is so important. Good luck.

Hugs,

Shell

Elizabeth,

What a wonderful story! It's not only a gift close to your heart, but a gift FROM the heart.

Hugs,

Shell

Annie,

I love hearing about peoples experiences with mediums. I think a lot of our posters do too, so feel free to talk about it! I'm thrilled it went so well for you. Does he have a website?

Hugs,

Shell

Shelley,

I believe that you will go and things will be better than you think. You will have some sad moments for sure, but just remember how much your mom liked Vegas and enjoy the trip for her.

Hugs,

Shell

Karen,

Bless your heart, you just have more than you can handle. Is there any way that he could live in the same town as you do? I have no idea about your situation, but maybe if he were closer you could save yourself some grief.You and your son will certainly be in my thoughts. As Marty said, keep us updated.

A big hug,

Shell

Shubom,

I'm so proud of the progress you have made, and I'm sure your mom would be too. Everything you say is so true and you are thinking in a healing way. Good for you, sweetie!

Hugs,

Shell

Shubom,

You have to do what's best for your emotional health, so it's wise of you to skip the wake. I'm sure everyone would understand, and if they don't, that's their problem! I hope the funeral went ok for you. Take care of yourself first.

Hugs,

Shell

Elizabeth,

What a good list and what a great gift! I would never have thought of that, you must be very creative. That's funny about finding all the material for the quilt! An omen? When the time is right, you'll get to it!

Hugs,

shell

Karen,

I heard about it on the news! How scary! Had no idea I "knew" anyone living close to this. What a terrible thing for you to have to deal with.

Stay safe,

Hugs,

Shell

Cindi,

I'm so sorry you're feeling the way you do, but six months is nothing on the grief scale! It's perfectly normal to "slide back". So don't worry about it and don't feel like anything is wrong with you. Falling apart comes and goes for a long time, so enjoy the moments when you can have a laugh or enjoy something, and when you fall apart, accept it, cry, and know that eventually it will pass for a time again. Hang in there.

A big hug,

Shell

Hi all,

Someone once said, "the word "remember" was a derivation meaning "to recall into presence". Our memories truly do bring our loved ones back in a special way. And, no, we never forget them.

Hugs,

Shell

Elizabeth,

I had to laugh about Tiny's spot! One of my babies had a black spot (he's orange) on his forehead and I thought it was grease. I tried cleaning that spot with everthing I could think of until I realized (duh!) it was a permanent marking! Poor little guy....I just about rubbed his fur off. What an absolute cutie Tiny is!

Hugs,

Shell

Elizabeth,

Hahahaha...those aren't bad thoughts, just "knowing" thoughts! Well, try not to bite your tongue off!!!!

Maybe the quilt is meant to be put on hold for now, maybe you NEED to be having thoughts instead. Anyway, good luck with both.

Hugs,

Shell

Elizabeth,

I'm glad you brought up this subject, because I try so hard to do everything "right" and when I get those little ugly thoughts about certain things, then I feel guilty! But we all need to realize it's normal and we aren't bad people for these thoughts!

See, you are "marching on" anyway, going to the baby shower! We may have hidden thoughts, but we do the right thing anyway. The quilt will still be there another day!

Hugs,

Shell

Elizabeth,

To echo Karens words, good for you. I am like Karen, in that I try to stay busy. In my case, it hasn't been hard, because I have so many kitties to take care of and now my friend, who has dementia. And my house, grocery shopping, all the daily stuff you have to keep up with! But even when I have a chance to "do nothing", I find I start cleaning a drawer out or something, anything to keep me busy. It keeps me from thinking too much about things that make me sad, although I think there are times when I need to get sad and cry, which I do too. Keep up with the quilt!

I also know what you mean about happy events (like births) for others can sometimes make you feel sadder. I get that feeling sometimes when people are telling me all about how great their life is and what's happening. Sometimes I just want to walk away, or hang up the phone, or say, "Well, whoopie for you". I know that's terrible, but normal I think. I'm really trying to "forgive myself" for not being kind sometimes. I'm not perfect and so I'm cutting myself a break when I think or do something that's not "right". Doing the "right" thing all the time can wear you out, and so we're excused when we don't!

Hugs,

Shell

Deb,

I have been reading a book about peoples experiences with after death communications and the signs they have had from loved ones, including actually seeing them. It seems to me that a general "theme" of these events is that they "come" to you when you are in some sort of personal crisis. You would think our grief would qualify, but I guess that is part of life and unavoidable. But sometimes, later on, when you have some other sort of crisis is when they will contact you, in one way or another, or give you some comforting sign. Maybe that explains why so many of us haven't had any signs yet.

Hugs,

Shell

Wendy,

I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. It is so strange how things seem to happen around the same time, huh? We will all be thinking of you and your family. We're here for you.

A huge hug,

Shell

Deb,

leeann is so right about you doing well already, because you came to this site and sought help and got your feelings out. Those are two very important steps on the road to healing, which is long and hard, but will happen. You just have to take it minute by minute and soon an hour will have passed, and then a day, and then another day, and on and on. And someday it will not be as devastatingly painful as it is now. Please keep sharing your feelings here.

A big hug,

Shell

Mike,

I am so glad you found this forum and I found it so enlightening what you said about it being easier because you are hard of hearing. I never looked at it that way before! You said you didn't want to vent too much on the board because you didn't want to be self-centered and wallowing in self-pity. That's what we are here for...to "listen" to what your heart and mind has to vent about. So please feel free to express anything you want to get out. We won't think of it as self-pity or self-centeredness, I promise. You have to "talk" (in one way or another) about all those pent up feelings to begin to heal. We truly do care and hope we can help, even if it's just reading your posts and offering support.

Hugs,

Shell

Deb,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom last June. As we've often talked about on this site, your life will never be the same. Your "old" life is gone and now your life will be a "new" kind. It is a long journey to begin healing, but I think the main thing is to be sure you cry, scream, yell, whatever you are feeling, just get it out. Feel. It's the only way to heal. And coming here is a good place to let out your feelings and know that we have all been there and really know what you are going through. This site has helped me more than I can say. Welcome.

A big hug,

Shell