Linda

Hi Roberta, I lost my Terry on Jan. 17th also. We were together for 21 years. We lost our home and job to Katrina and we started talking about marriage after we evacuated. Unfortunately, he died just 4 months later. He was fine that morning and then he said he thought he was coming down with a cold. Pretty soon he was having trouble breathing but he was still able to walk to the ambulance. Unfortunately, he died before he got to the hospital. Since then I have stayed in 4 different states and tried to keep a positive attitude, but some days it just doesn't work. While I yearn for a place to go home to, I know that if Katrina had never happened our home would have been very difficult place for me to stay. I long for the videos and photos that are now gone, but I know that I would not be able to look at them if they had not been destroyed. I wish that I had something to say that would help, but I am beginning to believe that the only thing that will help is the passage of time. Most of the time I just come here and read and knowing there are lots of wonderful folks here that understand and care.

Not sure if I am just going through a phase, but seems that nobody can help but I appreciate your thoughtful words. By the way, I am 59 there is another newcomer here that is 51. Losing everything in Katrina was the worst thing that ever happened to us. We left MS on Saturday and by the next week we had a new life, with new friends, just like the old life was a dream - but we had each other and he pointed out daily the positive exciting things that had changed for the better - like all the new restaurants we would never have had the chance to sample if it were not for Katrina.... We had evacuated so many times before and nothing happened, so we got indifferent. We didn't pack the way we did in the beginning and while I saved the computers and many other things that were special, there is only so much that the car can hold. If I had known that he would die suddenly just a few months later, I would have made sure that we had the videos and photos but nothing can be done now. I thought in the beginning that if I could just leave that place where I was alone after he died and get with my family that everything would be okay. After 2 weeks, I went back to MS to stay with my daughter in a FEMA trailer and figured out really quickly that it wasn't working and I wasn't any better - mind you there were 7 of us in that trailer. I moved then to his daughter's house in Louisiana, and found the same pain was still there. Next it was to my stepmoms in Houston, stayed a week and I moved on to Dallas to be with a friend - that didn't last long either, now I am in San Diego. I have finally figured out that the pain is coming from the inside and has nothing to do with my surroundings, so running won't help. My mom and some of my children live here and while they are trying to help, mostly they have moved on and will be happy when I do the same. I think I make them uncomfortable, and I know they just want me to be okay. If I need to cry, there is only my car - I really miss having a home, but I now know that that wouldn't make much difference either. San Diego is where we met 20 years and 9 months ago and the memories are everywhere, I will be glad when I can smile and embrace them, but the time is not now.

I too, am a newcomer and you have said what is in my heart. My Terry died suddenly on Jan. 17th on the way to the hospital. He walked to the ambulance and asked me to follow in the car - he didn't want me stuck at the hospital later without a way back to where we were staying. Both of us thought this was just a minor emergency, nothing to worry about. We had been through so much since August 29th and all we had left was each other, nobody could take that away..... He turned 62 in October and received 1 social security check that he was very proud of because we needed it so much. Katrina wiped us out - took our home and our job and my car. I thought that it was as bad as it could get, how more wrong could I be? We were together 20 years and 7 months. He was my best friend and soul mate. I don't know how to act now - we were together 24/7. We worked in the same place and worked the same hours so we could travel together. He loved to shop and loved to cook, he couldn't wait to get out of bed in the morning to make plans for the day. He made my life exciting and I am lost without him. All of his things are gone. Within 2 weeks of his death, I had to move and I have now moved 4 times since Feb. 1. Katrina took the videos and photos, everything we didn't load in the car, and I delivered to one of his 10 children everything else - except his hairbrush, his cell phone and his meds. I have those because he would never go anywhere without them and now neither can I. Like you - I never want to hear again how he is in a better place - he is not where he belongs and that is all that I know. I have tried to behave my way out of this but it isn't working. I know that if he were here he would be very impatient with me, but he isn't and I don't know how to make things right again. Nobody can fix it.