Hi niamh,
Thank you for your kind reply. You're right, this is a great site. I find it comforting to learn that grief is a normal part of life, and that it is 'normal' to feel so much pain. I'm so sorry that you lost your Dad. I lost my dad when I was little, and there's not a day goes by when I don't think about him. Mind you, I think about all my family every day. Sad to say, they are often not happy thoughts.
For me, every loss is different. Because of the great distance between Australia and UK, I didn't see much of my sister over the years, and she never came here to see me. So, I don't actually miss her in the usual sense. After all, I am used to not seeing her for years on end, and often we would have no contact apart from Christmas and Birthday cards. But out of the blue, I will suddenly burst into tears, just knowing that she is gone. It's almost as if it were a terrible dream, but I know too well, it is not. At her funeral my cousin asked me what I was thinking of when I was sobbing hard. I was remembering our childhood. We shared a lot of history. We witnessed together a lot of dreadful things that children should never see. I grieve because I will never have the opportunity to talk about those memories. I longed to talk about the 'old days' with her. I had hoped that one day we would. Thankfully, I had a couple of weeks in October with her, and we talked more in those 2 weeks than ever in our whole lives before. I am so glad for that . We just talked and talked. It's ironic, because if she hadn't been so sick, she wouldn't have sat still for more than 10 seconds, she was such a busy bee.
I find it very helpful to talk to grief counselors. I find it reassuring to know that grief can be exhausting. If someone hadn't told me that I would have been anxious about being so tired. I find great comfort in sharing.
Thank you niamh, I do find comfort in knowing I am not alone. Thank you to those who read this.
jmb