AliciaL

It has been 3 months since my husband passed away. I won't ever date again. Or at least I am never going to look. I am wearing my wedding rings, as well as his. I am also wearing the band I had to wear to get in the hospital, the day my husband died. I just can't seem to take it off. He had suffered for 8 weeks and 5 days, and every single day, after I was released from the hospital, everyone who visited him had to wear a band. So not only am I wearing the band from the last day, I have in a little memory box all of the other bands that I have acquired. Someone had said 'til Death Do Us Part, well I am not dead, and my rings will not come off. I have just joined this online group, and I have noticed that there are a lot of people that feel the same way, and some people who are further along in their journey, or at least this new life that we have been forced to live. I think if someone wants to wear their rings, there is no law to say they can't. It is however you want it to be. None of my friends have said anything yet, but as I sit here and write this, I think I would be upset, I think I would feel that they are encroaching on territory that they just cannot comprehend. I will wear my rings, until whenever. I feel good about that decision, as should anyone else who wants to wear them, or take them off. It's your life, it is how you feel, and not how people think it should be. It is time.

Hi Suzanne, This will be my first post to this. So if I somehow muddle it, I apologize. Saturday the 24th was 3 months since my husband passed away. I just now started reaching out to people, as I thought I can do it! And I thought that I could do it by myself. Wow, what a rude awakening. I have 4 kids, all of them under the age of 18, and now they do not have a dad. I have also said to myself, what is the point of moving forward. I wrapped my life in this person, he was my world, and somehow I don't have him anymore. I am angry. I have to wake up everyday, and I can tell you, I don't do it for myself, I do it for my kids. Because I have my children, I think that is the only reason God decided to not take me yet. I don't know if he has something in store for me, but I can tell you, there has been many nights when I pray to both God and my husband to take me, so I can rejoin my husband, because that is how my life was supposed to go. I will never be happy, I will never have my life, and I will never be able to touch my husband, or hear his voice, or nag him because he was too loud, or abnoxious. I can never tease him, or tell him, "Don't forge the milk on your way home," and I can never call him Jonathan without hearing him tell me, "that is not my name". I have had to do birthdays now without him, our anniversary was a week after he passed, and I can't tell you what I did that day. I loathe seeing people holding hands, or I cringe when I see a baby girl or boy holding tight to who I think is their father. My life will never be the same. I will never be the same. I always ask myself "what would John do?" When I think I know the answer, I do just that. I live my life one minute at a time, and there have been plenty of minutes that I pray and wish I had died instead of him. We were both in the car, but I survived. I am truly angry at that. I have no words for you, just what everyone else tells me, which doesn't help me, but that time does go on, and you have to find a new normal. I thank God everyday for my kids. That is the only thing that keeps me going. Sorry for the pain you are enduring Alicia