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Joe,

It can be difficult at times to not feel guilty when you are feeling good. You are so new in this and you are doing very well to have been able to attend that event. At the very begining I did the opposite, I spent my time doing repairs to the house to keep busy and forget my pain. It has been 2 years for me now and the last six months have been very difficult to get things done. It has been just now that I have started to get to the point of getting stuff done on the weekends. I have a lot more days now that I do feel good without feeling guilty about it. I have learned to be okay with being single and raising my son by myself. Hang in there it wil get better as time goes on.

Derek

Thanks Teny, for remembering. Tomorrow will be 2 years and honestly I don't know where they have gone. I have been through a lot these last 2 years, more than a person should have to go through. I made it through and am taking life one day at a time now. Happiness is coming back into my life and I never thought it would. I love all of you on this site and hope that one day those that are just begining to start this journey or are still on that dark path will one day find happiness again.

Love always

Derek

Lynn,

There is so much I would like to tell you, ut there isn't enough room. First of all you are very new into this, granted you started your greiving process maybe earlier than some of us because of the circumstances. It seems like you will never get out of the darkness and be able to love someone again. I have heard it siad that you should wait 2 years before getting into another relationship. Now this is only a guide line each person is different. It is ok for you to be angry, I had a lot of anger as well and I am not that ype of person it just takes time to process it all. As far as relationships, what I have found is that I had to be ok with myself being single before I was ready to even look at a relationship. I got into a relationship around the year and a half mark, but I got into it for the wrong reasons, I was looking for someone to help me raise my son, I was in love with the family life and not the person, lucky I realized it and got out. Afterwards when I looked at everything I was still holding on to Karen and not ok with the single idea. As time went on I finally got to the point of "hey I am ok being single" right now in my life if I were to stay single the rest of my life I could be happy. Now I will add a twist, I have met someone who I think is amazing, she is everything I could ask for and more. The difficult part is she is out of state so there is a lot more varables than what I can go into. What I can say from this is I didn't believe that I could ever feel this way for another woman again, but I have found that I can. I have started this relationship not knowing if I was ready or not, but as it has progressed I have learned that yes I am ok and ready. I am just taking it one step at a time to see how it goes. So yes, you can find someone again, however give yourself some time, allow yourself to feel all the feelings you are having right now. Take time for your self to learn about who you are. Your life is different now, you are a different person and it does take time to find out who you are now. What you want to watch out for is that you don't get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. What I would suggest is at one point before you get into a relationship is make a list of the quailities that you want in a mate, the other suggestion is also write down the things that you don't want and then when you actually get into a relationship you can compare the list to make sure he is the right person. It will do wonders for you and will help you to make sure it is for the right reason. For now, just take it one day at a time one step in front of the other. You have a long way to go yet and you still have a lot of healing to take place. Like Fred said, it will come but just not in the time frame you want.

Love always

Derek

Karen,

It isn't wierd, I have gone through that at times even though I have an 8 year old to take care of it just isn't the same as takig care of someone you love. I had family around for Easter so it wasn't really that difficult. But still it is a holiday that my Karen would have been in the kitchen with my sisters helping to cook. That will never be the same again.

Wendy,

I wish I could say that at a year everything magically got better. It took time, now that I am just a week or so away from 2 years (April 6th) I can look back and say this year has been better.

Love always

Derek

Lyn,

Between the 7th and 9th month seems to be when we all lose it. It is okay that you don't feel like praying right now. God knows your heart and will take care of you. You may not feel it right now but God is carrying you through this. There will come a time you will be able to look back at the darkest moments you have gone through and you will realize that He waas with you every step of the way and carrying you. There were times that the only prayer I had was "God help me I just cana't do it anymore" He listened and has taken care of me. For those of us Christians this is a special time of year, while it is laiden with the death of Jesus, it also glorifies God in his resurection. His rise out of the grave means that we will be able to see our loved ones again some day. For now know that I will be lifting up each of you in prayer as you go through this rough time.

Love always

Derek

Kim,

You feel what you feel and that is ok. You are not a pain to us here we have all been through it, we have been there. I think a lot of us get into the rut of "I should be feeling better by now" but 7 months like Kay said is when I think the shock starts to wear off and we start to really realize what we have lost. Just hang in there, the next months will feel like you are going backwards but in the end you will come out of it with a whole new perspective and life will begin to change and get better. Tuesday of the week would have been our 13th anniversary and I went through that day and was ok, I didn't forget that I wasn't sad except for a moment what went through my mind was the time that I was blessed to have spent with her, and how much my lif was enriched. I will be two years since she died on April 6th. Last year at this time I was dreading every moment of it and couldn't wait to get past that day. As I sit here and type this, it is hard to believe that 2 years have almost gone by, but I don't dread that day this year. Instead I just think of the happy memories we had together, My son and I will visit the grave and put some flowers out but than that my regular activities will go on. This doesn't mean I have forgotten her or fell less about her. It just means that I am honering what I know that she would want me to do and that is to live my life and be happy.

Love always

Derek

Kayc

Thanks for writing that you still have problems looking at his pictures. At just about 2 years I am the same way. I can glance at them every now and then but really just can't bear to really look at them. It is nice to know that I am not the only one.

Love always

Derek

Gail,

We are going to take steps backwards at times it is just part of the process. However I am sure if you look back the steps backwards are becoming less frequent. You asked if this is what life is going to be like from now on. All I can tell you is for me it has gotten a lot better even with the 2 year mark being 1 month 2 days away. All I can say is try not to focus on the future, there is just no way of knowing how things will go, just focus on today.

love always

Derek

Corinne,

Yes, they think it will heal and he will have full use of it. He will have to be in a cast for 6 weeks and they have to have therpy, however my sister is a occupational therpist and will be able to work with him.

I spent most of Monday night / Tuesday morning in the hospital with my son who had cut his finger open with a knife. In doing this he cut the tendon and had to have surgery on Wednesday. However, I didn't have to emotional downfall of remembering Karen in the hospital other than her not being there with us. I believe for me I was so focused on my son that I didn't have time to reflect back on it. This was a different hospital as I live in Texas and the hospital Karen was in is in Florida so I have the advantage of not having to go back there or drive by it etc. I am sure some day the emotions will subside Kayc, it is one of those things that we don't go to the hospital everyday so when you do it brings back the emotions. Hopefully you won't be in the hospital enough for you to get used to it.

Love always

Derek

My belief is that one, they are okay they have been restored to a perfect body. Second I don't believe that they forget about us, I believe that they feel love for us and even watch over us. I have been told that watching over us they only see the happy times in our lives, not the bad. It has been awhile since I have heard from you William, glad to see you still around

Love always

Derek

I came acroos this today going through some files. It was posted here back in August of 2006. I felt that this was such a long time ago and so many have joined since then and possibily don't look through older posts that I would post it again. It made me simile to think that KAren is in Heaven where there is no sadness, sickness or worries.

WHEN TOMARROW STARTS WITHOUT ME..

When tomarrow starts without me, and Im not there to see

if the sun should rise and find your eyes filled with tears for me

I wish so much you would not cry the way you did today,

while thinking of the many things we didnt get to say

I know how much you love me, as much as I love you

and each time you think of me, I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomarrow starts without me please try to understand,

that an angel came and called to me and gently took my hand,

and said my place was ready in heaven far above,

and that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love.

As I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,

for all my life, I'd always thought I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for and so much left to do,

it seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you,

I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad,

I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had,

If I could relive yesterday, I thought, just for a little while,

I'd say goodbye and kiss you, and maybe see you smile,

Then I fully realized that this could never be,

for emptiness and memories would take the place of me,

When I thought of worldly things that I'd miss come tomarrow.

I thought of you and when I did my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heavens gates, I felt so much at home.

When God looked down and smiled at me from His great golden throne,

He said "This is eternity and all I've promised you.

Today, for life on earth has past, here it starts anew.

I promise no tomarrows, but today will always last,

and since each days the same day, there's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful, so trusting, so true,

though there have been times you did some things you knew you shouldnt do

But you have been forgiven and now at last your free

Won't you come and take my hand and share this life with me?

So when tomarrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,

for everytime you think of me, I'm right here in your heart.

Love always

Derek

Lori,

I remember you and have often wondered what happened to you. I am saddend that you are having such difficulty and with the death of your brother's wife. Your brother has a special person in you to be there for him. Having gone through this your self, he has a person available right there with him that can talk face to face. This site has been a blessing and has help tremendously but it can't replace that face to face contact. I hope to see you on here more and God bless you aand your brother, you all will be in my prayers.

Love always

Derek

Marlene,

Thank you for you prayers, my son is doing well, we have had some problems that I am sure were directly related to her death and what he witnessed with that. The past 2 years have been a difficult journey with some hard work to get through it. Keep in mind, there will be times you move forward and then all of a sudden the bottom drops out and it seems like you are back at step one. Just pick right back up and start back forward. As you do this yo will find that the next time you go backwards you won't go as far. Come here and vent when you need, believe me I have done it enough times and it really does help. It sounds like you are a person who knows God and what he can do. There will be times where it seems like he isn't listening to your prayers or that he you will feel he isn't near you, but what I have found is that he stayed with me the whole time even when I thought I couldn't talk to Him anymore, He was carrying me and taking care of me.

Love always

First of all, I am glad that you found this site. It has been a God send to me that I stumbled onto it almost 2 years ago. I lost my wife to a heart attack in April of 2006 and like you am one of the younger ones. I am 38 and my son was 6 at the time. Unfortunately we don't the answer to the "why" question. I myself do know that no matter what I "could of", "would of" or "should of" done would have changed the result. I know it is difficult not to play those mind games with yourself, I did quite awhile myself. All I can say is it will get better as time goes on, however for the upcoming months it will seem like it is getting worse rather than better. It will seem like there is no end in site, but you will get through it. What helped me was when I was finally able to just concentrate on just one day rather than the future that was to no longer be. When I looked at the future all I saw was loneliness, and then I came to realize that I don't know what the future holds so why depress myself trying to figure it out. Now I try to live today for today and I have finally started to enjoy life again. Please keep coming to this site you will find a big family of people here that will be here when you need them and will no judge you for what you are feeling of thinking. Anytime you are thinking something and think that it is to far in left field to even think of posting, post it anyway you will find someone that will post back and say "Hey I thought the same thing". You are not alone in this although it may seem like it right now.

Love always

Derek

Lyn,

Believe me dring the first year there were several times that I took steps backwards and it felt like I was back at step one. Even today I take steps backwards, however now they don't feel like I am back at step one. It seems now that even though I am going backwards I am not going as far. Don't be discouraged Lyn, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and when you go backwards, once you are through going backwards put that foot in front of the other one and continue forward again.

Love always

Derek

Lyn,

We all go through those why's now and again. We think we have gotten past them then all of a sudden they rear their ugly head. It will be 2 years for me in April and just the other day I was asking why God had to do this,even though I know he has a plan for me and He sees the whole picture whereas I only see a small picture in the whole scheme of things. Hang in there Lyn, as you said he didn't have a choice in the matter, he wouldn't have left you if he could have stayed. He kept his promise in that he stayed with you the rest of his life.

Love always

Derek

Rosella,

I went to a grief support group and really loved it, at first, yes it was hard to talk and not tear up, but ai have learned it is part of the grieving process, the sooner you work through it and let your self cry the sooner things will start to fell better.

Love always

Derek

Dawn,

Enen without the ceremony, I am sure you would still know how many days. I know that I didfor about 4 or 5 months, then it started to go to just months then somwhere after the year mark I realized that I had to count out the months to figure out how many. I know it is difficult especially being this new in the journey. I agree, it would have been nice to be able to celebrate his life with family even though your beliefs are different. Hang in there, it will get better, it will take time to figure out who you are again, and it is nice to finally see someone else from Texas here on this site although I wish it was under better circumstances.

Love always

Derek

I think that we get better, but it is a journey without an end until the day we get to join our loved ones.

Love always

Derek

Dawn,

You are correct, one day it will get better. I believe for myself that you can have influence on how soon you will get through this. If you are willing to work at it by reading books on grief and work on the suggestions given to get through it, you will get through it sooner rather than later. IF you just lay around and wait for it to happen it will take longer. I know it is hard to get out of bed in the morning, everything you described I remember going through myself. For the first 4 months after Karen died I couldn't get myself moving enough to even get to work on time, I was late almost every day, I am thankful for a company where they let me do that without letting me go. Jsut keep coming back here and posting and work through this grief and things will get better, just remember that it is an onging process, as time goes on you will take steps backward and it will seem like you aren't going anywhere, but what I have found is after taking those steps backwards it seems like the forward steps take less time and before I know it I have grown past the place I was when I went backwards.

Love always

Derek

Patty Ann,

I know this time is difficult, You have some of the answers, but sometimes we just need more. I feel lucky, I have a few friends that I can talk to any time about what I am going through without worrying about wearing out my welcome. Like Karen said exercise does help, after I joind a gym this past month I have found that I have more energy. Just keep praying, I know it seems like a lot of stuff comes up at once but just take it a little at a time.

Love always

Derek

Gail,

I know that dream beli had to be tough, I believe that the dream happened because it is something that you really would like to happen. Getting through the first year is tough hoever unfortunately we will still hyave those days where we step backwards. I am coming up on 2 years and last night was a difficult night for me. I wish I knew the answers to all the questions but I am still trying to find the answers myself. Just remember that the difficult times will start to be further apa®t as time goes on.

Love always

Derek

I didn't do anything with the drivers license either, nor do I plan to. As for vehicle titles, when I pay off the one that is in both names I will worry about getting her names off at that point. Our RV trailer is still in both names, I have left it that way. The only thing I had to do is show the death certificate when I had hail damage in order for the check to be issued in my name only. I had to remove her name from the checking account when I filed for bankruptacy. I know some of these things are a pain to do.

Love always

Derek

Marty,

I like that article, a long time ago we had a saying of what "fine" stood for and for those that are in the grief process it really fits.

F-Screwed up (I decided to keep it clean)

I-Insecure

N-Neurotic

E-Emotions

Love always

Derek