rebbyreb99

Hi ginge, I figured when I saw that you wrote I had a feeling you either had Benji's ashes or were told you could bring him home. You will have to tell me what you ended up doing. You were wondering how long it would be before you would always see Benji everywhere. You had Benji a very long time. My sister raises golden retrievers. One of her puppie's parents called her the other day. 15 years ago they picked "Emma" to come home with them. This couple were 60 years old at the time.. They called her the other day to tell her that Emma had cancer and they had to put her down. They called Julie because they were just devastated and just needed to call her. They had not talked to my sister for 15 years but they needed to talk to her because they didn't know what they would do now after Emma had given so much to them in their lives. It is amazing what animals can do. My girlfriend had to put her "Perci" down around Christmas. My friend has survived stage 4 cancer, lost her dad in September and her husband asked for a divorce 6 months ago. She told me that in all of the these horrible things that have occured in her life, losing Perci made her cry the most. I just have to think that even though it is so very hard to lose a pet it just amazes me how much we need them! I can't ever imagine my life without those furry friends. Let me know how you are doing whether you have Benji yet or going to go him. Anything I can do to help you thru this would make me happy. I thought you might like to see a picture of Katie. This was taken a few days before she left me. I hate taking pictures and I mean hate taking pictures but something told me that I needed to take this of her. This was her favorite spot in the house!

KayC, I did the exact thing when I knew the day I put Katie to sleep that this was it. I cleaned my house like it has never been cleaned. You are right that a waiting period should be in place before getting another pet. I believe that no animal is ever replaceable. My sister made a great point. With all the unwanted pets in the world how as animal lovers ever not bring one in to a loving home with someone with so much love to give. I was not going to get another dog but when she said that all I could think of is all the animals in cages looking for someone to love them. I can not even imagine my home without another animal.

Ginge, I don't know if this would work for you as it seems to work for me but at night when I turn the lights off and tv off and my mind would immediately go to the night I put Katie to sleep I switch gears and think of another subject that is in need of my focus for the time being. Since what usually my mind starts dwelling on is seeing her so sick and all my guilt on how it finally ended. I take this anger and hurt and apply it to something else that deserves the anger which involves nothing that has to do with Katie.. Probably a good therapist would say that is the wrong thing to do but I am here to tell you that by taking this hurt about Katie and applying it to someone/something that really deserves it, it really helps me. I believe when there is sufficient time I can then think of Katie at night without crying my eyes all the time. You do what you need to do to get thru this very rough time. You will find it. I wish that I had acreage as you do. I have often thought of many times that if I had the space I would have a hobby farm and would have misfit animals that others threw away like garbage. Your son sounds like he loves animals as you do. My son also was brought up to love and respect animals. Katie was his christmas present when he was in grade school. This was tough on him like it is tough on your son. We raised great kids didn't we! I think you are on to something on a local animal rescue org. I decided to go every month to one here in Arizona and find out what they are in need of. I at some point will put my name on a rescue list and will adopt when the time comes. Hang in there Ginge. I promise you one day you will have a picture of Benji at your desk and you will have a huge smile at all times:) Rebby

You made a step forward by vacuming. I know some people(obviously not animal lovers right?)would think that was just crazy but it is a huge step Ginge. You are moving forward and that is a good thing. I hope you will have someone you trust with you the day you get your Benji's ashes back.I think that would be a good thing to have that support. I miss her just as much as the day she left me. The crying is not as much...mostly the tears start when I am walking my dog Jake because that was her favorite thing to do. It is just one step at a time. I can tell how much you are a animal lover. Maybe someday you can bless another dog by bringing him or her home to live with you. I am thinking the same thing my self.

Ginge, The day I got her ashes back they not only sent a beautiful container for her ashes but also took the liberty to put her pawprint in plaster. I have to say that really brought the tears flowing at a fast rate. Like you said though, at least we know our best buddies are back with us now. I have another Jack Russell named Jake and he was 8 weeks old when we got him. Katie who was 4 at the time treated him like her baby. Needless to say Jake is very lonely. I know that you are looking for Benji everywhere. I know exactly what you are thinking. I can tell you that you love your best buddy as I do mine and it is getting a little better each day. What is that saying? "It will never be the same, it will just be different." Have you been looking at any books to read about the death of a pet? It does help me. By the way, I still have not put her pallet away that she had to sleep on for the last week of her life. It is still under my bed and I can't get myself to put it away yet. I did put a picture of her as a screensaver though. I broke down several times looking at her when I saw her but now it brings some strange comfort to me. I hope you slept better tonight my friend.

Ginge...I am so sorry. It has been a month today that I put Katie, my Jack Russell down. There is not one day that I have not thought of Katie. I still see her everywhere. I still have my tv on at night because at night she snored and the silence is deafening. I still cry at least once a day thinking of her. You did what was best for Benji. If we as humans were guaranteed a quick, peaceful sleep with the ones we love right next to us as the last thing we saw. I am very thankful for this website because even though after a month I don't need to see it every day as I did the first week, it still is a comfort for me. You will meet him again. I too hold on to that very thought.

Becka, As a friend of mine expressed to me is how when we euthanize our pets they have no clue what is going on. We as humans know what is most likely going to happen. I feel like you do also, I envy the very fact that when they are looking with love at the people who have been their buddies and that is all they know. I just put my best buddy 2 weeks ago and I am hoping that she heard me tell her over and over her favorite saying, "I love you Katie." Isn't that what should help us make the decisions we make for them?

I am truly amazed with myself that I did not get angry with God. I am not sure why I didn't do what you did because before she got sick I kept telling God that I just don't know what I would do without Katie. I have done the "I am not going to get anymore animals!" talk with myself. My husband says absolutely no more animals but I have already decided that I have too much love to give to animals especially who have no one to love them. There are way too many dogs unwanted for me to keep thinking I am not going to get myself another dog. I have had 4 cats. I love cats but my Jack Russell who is only 4 would hurt/kill them so it is best that I get another dog. I put my name on a collie rescue list. I had a collie for 12 years and she too was the best dog and when I lost her 9 years ago I believed that some day I wanted another one. Ok so I have raised jack russells now and I have decided I am way too old for them so now when I am done crying over Katie all the time I know God will provide me with a dog. By the way you are not babbling. It is so good to really write this stuff down to let others like us help us through the pain.

Thank you for telling me what your belief is in animals in heaven. I never knew that CS Lewis believed in that. I am now reading a book, "Will I see My Dog In Heaven" by Jack Wintz. He lists several scriptures that make me feel awhole lot better. I am very sorry that you are having a hard time about the decisions you made. I know that I made the best decisions I could possibly make given the information that was given to me. I finally had to tell the vet no more. I knew that Katie had the greatest 8 years of her life because there is no way she could possibly be loved more than her family loved her. My son and my sister would tell me all the time that if they died they wanted to come back as Katie. I love what you said about crawling into Jesus's lap. I can not tell who how many times a day I kept hearing in my head, "I can do all things through Christ who stengthens me." I knew that wasn't a coincidence. It has been 2 weeks today and I have to tell you, it isn't any easier than it was the night she died. Finding this forum was the best therapy. You and I need to quit being so tough on ourselves right? You made the decisions you did with love as I did.

MartyT, Thank you so much for the information on the book, "Do Pets Go to Heaven?" I picked up Katie's ashes today and the pain was so intense. I appreciate all.

Thank you Kayc for your input. I too have a hard time believing that God would give us these wonderful creatures only for this time on earth. As I said, Katie gave me more peace than most of the people in my life have.

First of all the fact that people who love their animals like me have a site to interact with others going thru the saame thing is a godsend. I had to make the decision last Thursday nite to put my 8 year old Jack Russell, Katie down. After 2 months of ups and downs to thinking we had licked this has completely wiped us out. We have another Jack Russell Jake who is 4. My husband and I laughed that Jake is our moneypit where Katie after 8 years the only thing that she needed was her vaccinations. Well in the first week of January she started acting funny. She is a very small Jack and from the beginning when she drank fast or ate fast she would throw up. We got used to that. Well this time it was different. After finding my vet was out of town I took her to an emergency vet clinic. He suggested that I have blood drawn either there or when my vet got back. Since my vet would be back in town in 2 days I waited. Well after 1 week of waiting for blood results, my vet told me that Katie had elevated liver enzymes. He suggested having an ultrasound. The ultrasound became a biopsy, the biopsy became a diagnois of a genetic liver disease. After a month of back and forth that little girl was on 6 types of drugs all thruout the day. She started acting like her self. She was back to walks with us, she was her happy little self again. Within 3 weeks of the diagnose we were back at the vet clinic who told us even though her liver enzymes were slightly better now she had a red blood cell count and after xrays were done she now had an enlarged heart. Within 4 days of her acting sick, the vet wanted to watch her overnight to see if the new medicine would help her red blood cell count go back up. We live 25 minutes from the vet clinic. We went home and within 1 hour the vet called and told us to hurry back because they were losing her. From that moment on our lives have been shaken to the core. By the time we got there the vet didn't think she heard us. I am still feeling the pain of us not being there with her as her little body is hooked up to a machine, the pain in thinking we made the right decision in putting her thru all of those tests to end up was her quality of life at the end any better then if we would have just let it happen. There is absolutely no place I can go where I don't see her little face. That night Katie died I had my Jack in his kennel which is in our room. I heard him cry so I let him out of his kennel and thought he would jump on our bed. He went out which I thought he needed to go to the bathroom. After 20 minutes I became concerned so I went outside. I could not find him. I looked all over our house and then took a flashlight outside to see where he was. He was under a bush shaking. I was so sick to my stomach that I almost threw up. I have to tell you. If I hear one more person tell me that it is a dog and this will pass I will scream. I have a sign on my bed that says, "Dear Lord....let me become the person my dog thinks I am." They ask for nothing but love from you. They give me more peace then most of the people in my life. I am a Christian who is torn by hearing two different things. One side says that your pets will be in heaven and then I have heard another side say that pets do not have souls so they will not go to heaven. I am clinging to the side that says Katie will be there in heaven to greet me.

Hi Mazzie's mom: You and I have so much in common. I just put my 8 year old Jack Russell, Katie down a week ago today. I am so appreciative of this site because of stories such as yours. She too was the best. We have another Jack Russell, Jake who is 4. She welcomed Jake in like he was her own puppy. The sadness in our lives is beyond description. I took the 2 of them walking everyday because to Katie loved walks even though she had these tiny little legs she was always in first place. I have my son's other dog over here for the past week to help with Jake. It is helping but it is not Katie. I am now back to walking Jake but for me it is every place I look I see her face. I can only imagine what is like for Jake who is a dog and is not capable to ask what happened to my friend?