Dwaynecg

Melina

Don't be to hard on your self. Going through 2 big events in your life. Then having the 9 hour flight. Is hard on anyone, let alone someone how has lost their true love of their life. I am sure that Thyge was with you in spirit the whole time. I would have had several melt downs. Just let work happen like you always have done. We are all here for you. I hope you find some peace today.

God Bless You

Dwayne

Mary,

I am glad today was better, and it does feel good to help some in need. Even If your tank is almost empty, knowing you, you done just fine. You always have done so on here.

God Bless

Dwayne

You are so welcome Becky, I will try to put up other photos in the future.

Yes Mary it was hard to go through when they passed, but well worth having the help they can provide. Turn on lights. Get sandwiches out of fridge. They can be trained about to do anything. They are truly amazing what they can do and how smart they are.

Anne, They truly are amazing. It funny the kids would always spot them first when we went out. The parents would not believe the until they saw for themselves. Someday I will tell you about a rescue monkey from a couple of college students. A you couple that had no business having a monkey. We had him 3 months and the helping hands could not believe the change in him in such a short time.

God Bless

Dwayne

Becky,

Like you I am happy for Nats, I agree I can not see myself with any one but Pauline. But you never know what God has planned for you. I have said it before God brought Pauline together in Kansas. Neither one of us was from there. God made the rain that day and my friend who rode to work and back with me. Asked to stop on that small Pop's Place in Chapman. That was just a turn in the road for us going back to Abilene. Then there she was Pauline. So you never know. I can not see my self with anyone else.

Mary, I hope and pray today is a better day for you. I prayed for you last night and this morning. Take care we are all here for you

Dwayne

Hi everyone someone asked me what Pauline was holding,

Pauline is holding a baby monkey. It was her first helping hands monkey to help her. We had trained monkeys for helping hand for about 8 years before Pauline started loosing her legs. We got this one and trained her for Pauline needs, She had the two this one and she was bitten by a spider. When or where we don't know. And in primates they don't show sickness until it is almost to late. The vet had done all he could but could not save her. Pauline was devastated over the loss. We got her another and he was very good and was with Pauline by her side all the time. He did not need a leash to control him. She had him 4 years and we were always made sure if someone had a cold or sickness they were not allowed to come in. The people in the down stairs apartment had 3 small boys 2-7 years old and a new baby girl. Pauline had fallen in the kitchen trying to reach something in the cupboard and fell out of her chair. Kuhli jumped to her aid and done a hyperextension on his wrist. The vet put him on Pretnisone for about 8 weeks. He had only been off the medication a couple weeks when the lady down stairs came up to say good by to Pauline. They had bought a home. The 3 boy followed her up and ran ramped through our apartment. Pauline put Kuhli in his cage. When I got home at 12:00 the kids were all over his cage. 3 days latter he through up and diarrhea. I call the vet and took him up the next day. Those kids were sick with a stomach virus and he pick it up from the kids. He passed 3 days latter. His immune system was to drained by the pretnisone, he could not fit off the virus. Again Pauline was crushed. About a month after his death the woman came by again. Pauline asked her about the stomach virus. She admitted they were sick at that time. Pauline told her, her kids killed her monkey and for her to get out. It was hard on both of us. They were like small children only smarter. I wanted to get her another one, Pauline said no it is to hard and they could out live us. I respected her wishes.

I have gone on long enough. Here is a better picture of Pauline and Teka

Dwayne

Dear Tammy,

I wanted to do the walk with Harry also. I was planning on a tee shirt I would have made for Pauline. But my health took a turn and I could not do the walk. I live in Somerset so I went by to see if I could find Harry, but there were so many tents people and cars I could not walk around to find him. I felt bad because I wanted to give him support. No way I could walk around to find him. I went home feeling bad that I could not be there if only for support. Next time I will be in good health and try again. I know how hard it is for you without Jeff with you. I feel the same without Pauline here. I hope you will find peace someday soon. I think I have a long way to go before I can find that myself. I am glad to have this place to come to let out feelings. Everyone understand here what we all have to go through.

God Bless you and your family

Dwayne

Dear Anne,

Her I am only at 4 months it is hard to imagine 3 years down this path we all have to travel. I have had a couple moments like that. Pauline and I went to Christian church for years, until she could not go any more. When I went back for the first time it was very hard. I had got there early and just sat down in a seat. When an older gentleman came up to me an took my hand and it is glad to see you back. He remember me but not my name, when I told him he sat down and told the church had been praying for Pauline and I. It was so comforting. I cry just witting this, but God knows who we need at the time we need them the most. As it turned out I had sat in the set that Donna and Greg sit in all the time. It was also where Donna had meet Greg for the first time. God guides us and walks with us, helps to heal our broken hearts. Those moment like that no matter how hard it is to tell some about our loved ones helps us heal.

God Bless you

Dwayne

DI,

I feel guilt more than anything else. I don't know why, I have been told it is very normal to feel guilty over you loss of you loved one. I try to deal with it day by day. I have Pauline's photos all over the house. they give me comfort in seeing those eyes her smile, and the glow she had about her. I can not imagine taking them down. But everyone is different only you can know what is best for you. Take care.

Dwayne

Mary, It is so good to come here and get the support that we all need. Never say never about love. I feel the same I can't see me with anyone else, Pauline holds my heart and I know it would be hard to let someone else in. I don't know maybe in time. I hope today you find more peace in your heart and soul.

Dwayne

Dear Mary,

I am so sorry to hear of all the tears and torment you have had to endure today. I am here for you. I understand the bond you and Bill had. Pauline were the same way. It makes it so much more painful to go through this time. I know I was there about 2 weeks ago. No one but you and I can understand the great loss of our loved ones. They did not see the day to day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second, the true one of a kind LOVE you had in your life. What we both had was a true gift from God. Take a walk it will help. I wish I could say more to you, but you know better than I what works for you. You have helped me so many times. I am here for you I hold your hand and tell you everything will pass just like they have done before. I hold you close to my heart. I feel your pain. We are all here for you anytime. Cry on my shoulder, I am strong enough to take you pain and tears.

Mary you have made me stronger, just like everyone else here on HOV.

Your Friend, My God bless you tonight and bring a calm to you

Dwayne

Dear Sad,

Mary has been a big help for me with many good suggestions that has help me through my rough times.

As a Christian I have my beliefs and I wish I could be there and take you out. It really does help to get out and see other people. Just a walk a day has helped me a lot. God has more plans for you here, we do not know what they are. He will help you through you life if you let him in. Please keep posting and we are all here for you. Sometimes reading other peoples trouble can help you to help them through this grieving we all have to go through.

I read just this last week about Harry and the Humming birds. I got a lot out of reading that and I know the pain he felt finding the little nest that his wife was not able to have seen. Then it reminded me of growing up in Colorado and having all the Humming birds around. There were hundreds of them and the joy a little wonder of the world, can bring so much joy to watch them.

I will be praying for you

Dwayne

Nats,

Good for you, I am happy for you to have, Brenda in your life now. I hope and pray you all have a great time and a safe and wonderful trip. Will we hear from you along you travel? If not we will hear all about it when you get back.

May God Bless you and Brenda and keep you save on your well deserved vacation

Dwayne

Thank you Mary,

It sounds like you and Bill had that same one of a kind of connection that Pauline and I had. People saw us the same way as you described. Surely not family but Pauline's friend Donna and then Greg, but also the Doctors and nurses and even the parking attendant at the hospital saw us as one. They were very sadden when I went to the hospital they automatically went and opened her door but she was not there. I think the family closed there eyes to her and forgot to see the good she had left even until the end. My father in-law said I gave her a great life and he could not have asked for better. Now it seems different with him He is old school and I am not. What he thinks I should do is what he done after Pauline's Mother passed. That's not what I want and he doesn't understand that. So I hold my ground and move on with what I want to do, and right now is my health the going to school.

MartyT I will try my best to become a great nurse. Someone Pauline could have been proud of.

God Bless

Dwayne

MartyT,

Thank you for sending me to that site. I really can reflect with those 2 male nurses. One male nurse named Paul came over to check Pauline . I had call hospice because I thought she was in distress. When I saw him I wondered about a male nurse, but he was the most kind and gentle nurse she had during her time in hospice. His mannerisms reminded him of myself. He spoke very softly like I do and asked her before he did any thing with her. I did not think Pauline would remember him, but she remembered his name and the kindness he showed to her. By the time he left he had reassured me she was fine and I was doing everything right. Compared to a young female nurse who saw Pauline the next visit. She spoke very load and a little pushy when she started to do something like take her temp. Pauline did not like her and told her to leave. She did and had not even looked at the bag on the Foley. I called hospice and told them Pauline isn't use to people talking loud like that nurse had done. The same night another nurse had to come out because the Foley was blocked. She could not believe that the other nurse did not even look at the bag. She showed me what to do and how to put in a new Foley if needed in the middle of the night. I know I will do good in my classes. It has been so long sense I was in school I am a little nerves. Thanks again.

Dwayne

Thank you everyone for your warm thought and well wishes. Yes it was a very peaceful day. One of the best days I had in a long time.

Today I was invited to a party at Pauline's younger sister home about a 40 mile drive. I was not sure if I would go or not because of the Foley. I decided to go all Pauline's family was there. When I mentioned that yesterday was her 4 month date of her passing. It was like they all had me wanting to go on a trip for 2-3 weeks. I guess they could not see the progress I have made. I did not cry. I kindly told them no I do not want to travel at this time. I have my health to take care of and I will be starting classes some time in July. And I love being in our apartment, that it doesn't bother me. I told the what does bother me is no calls from them and no support from them. Only Dad calls me at lest once a week.

I get more help and support from here people I have never met, but they all understand what I am going through. Yes men grieve also. Pauline and I were so close and we loved each other so much we always showed it where ever we went. Not to many couples have what we had. I know Mary did because it came when you are not looking, and when you look into there eyes the first time you know that you have found you soul mate. I am glad that God brought Pauline an I together. Yes it is hard not having her, but she is always with me. I want to so bad to get the classes started. It will just take a little time.

Thank you, and God Bless All of You

Dwayne

OH, Kay,

I cannot believe the way things have gone so bad for you. I wish I was closer I would take care of you. Call your town or county government, they do have places that can send out trained people to help you through your bad time. We have one up here called SCIL, for south coast independent living center. They were the first to help us get someone in her for Pauline. and that was I think 1998 or 1999. A young woman came in every day for about 6 hours until I got home from work. It is worth looking into. other than that everyone else has given other ideas. I wish you the best. I pray for you every day. I know it will be 6-8 weeks before you are able to start using your arm. Hang in there its has got to get better for you.

God Bless you and watch over you and heal you.

Dwayne

Thank you Brian and Mary,

Yes today was a good day. I really felt at peace all day. Only tears were watching the DVD. although I really do miss her and wish she could be with me, but she was suffering to much pain and she had said many time she wanted the pain to go away.

Rest easy MY LOVE I will be with you again.

God Bless

Dwayne

Hello Everyone

Today is Pauline's 4 month anniversary of her Passing. I have spent the day quiet by myself. At 2:30 PM I lit a candle, and watched the DVD I made of her live. I played it at her memorial I had for her. She had donated her body to science. I a year or maybe a little longer I will get her ashes back. I also cried many tears today. I was very fortunate to have had her I my life for 33 years. In the end the MS took her real fast and her final days I kept her pain free thanks to hospice. Pauline was on hospice for 3 weeks. It was the best decision that we made. I am not as emotional as I was at 3 months. I think the medication like anti depressant is helping me. I have been better able to cope today than I thought I would have. I checked in with Greg this morning to see if he needed anything. He said he was all set, and thanked me for the call. So I must be heading in the right direction now. In part to the support I have gotten from being on here. To that I say THANK YOU TO EVERYONE for listening to me.

God Bless to Everyone here on HOV

Dwayne

Dave,

I feel for you. Today is Pauline's 4 month anniversary of her Passing. I have spent the day quiet by myself. At 2:30 PM I lit a candle, and watched the DVD I made of her live. I played it at her memorial I had for her. She had donated her body to science. I a year or maybe a little longer I will get her ashes back. I also cried many tears today. I was very fortunate to have had her I my life for 33 years. In the end the MS took her real fast and her final days I kept her pain free thanks to hospice. Pauline was on hospice for 3 weeks. It was the best decision that we made. I am not as emotional as I was at 3 months. I think the medication like anti depressant is helping me. If you haven't been to a Doctor for help, all I can say is that they have helped me. Along with everyone here on HOV. I have gotten some great suggestions and support from here. like Brian all I have to do is come here and see where I started at compared to now. I hope you find peace and comfort and never regret your relationship you had and still have with all the good memories, they live on through us and everyone that knew them.

Dwayne

Thank you Mary, I know what it is like to have pain in the shoulder, I was in traffic in 1996, I was glad I had a rental car because a 19 year old slammed into the me an it pushed me into the car in front of me. When all over the impact was so hard it pushed me into 2 cars in front of me. The car I was in was totaled. No broken bones but a bruise across my neck and chest from the seat belt. It bothered me for years. I hope your MRI comes back negative.

Thank you Kay, Wednesday I hope will be a good day for both of us. I go back to the Urologist the same day. Just try to take everything in stride. Good Luck to you.

My GOD bring us al better health

Dwayne

Kay, I am sure glad you had a dream of George. I hope that you have may more dreams about him. I also have had a Few dreams about Pauline. It is a big let down when I wake up and she is not there. Just this morning I woke up an for some reason thought she was there, but no she was not. I think she is just letting me know she is around and watching out for me.

Dwayne

Nats, you got a blessing from God and Ruth. I am surrounded by Pauline everyday. She was an awesome decorator, and every nurse or other people could not believe the job she did in our apartment. I have not been able to even touch her clothes yet. I have to hand it to you and the job you did with her puzzles are GREAT. It gave me chills reading the experience you had.

God Bless

Dwayne

Thank you Marty, I am feeling better in my emotions also. Iam heading down the right track. The Dr. today said I should be fine by the time my classes start sometime in July. After I get this Foley out I am going to stop by the career center and speek with the counselor, he has not returned my calls. I beleive God knows what he is doing aand wants me in good health to start the classes.

Dwayne

Marty,

I thank you for your concern. I wrote you a pivate email on aol. I thought it was better that way.

I did go to the school to see if I could find Harry. There were so many people and tents, and things all around the track. Cars parked all over all the streets around the school. I felt I better not do a lot of walking around to find him. He will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

God Bless all those who take place in the walk for life, and keep them all save.

Dwayne

Hi Everyone,

I went to the Urologist this morning. I was told that the Foley would come out. I was wrong about that. I was told that when a man needs to go to the ER because he cannot empty his bladder, they did everything right with the Foley. They were right to send me home with it in place. Where they screwed up was they did not give instructions to go to the Urologist. They sent me to my primary DR. They the ER was also supposed to give me a script. Without taking the medication for 5 days. They cannot remove the Foley. So here I am still with the Foley and bag on my leg until next Wednesday at 9:00 AM. I am so mad at the ER, Its not them that has to put up with this burning pain when you walk go up and down stairs or anything. Even bending down is tough.

On the positive side I will go out in the morning and eat breakfast, then go visit Greg. This after noon around 3 or so I have to pick up my medication and I will go pay Harry a visit at his walk.

They are not going to keep me down, maybe a little slow for a few days, but I am still putting on foot in front of the other.

Thank you all for letting me vent a little, I need that.

God Bless

Dwayne