This is a long story, made as short as I can make it:
I have been married for 20 years to a wonderful man who is my best friend. We have 4 children, and have thoroughly enjoyed the adventure of our life together. I met him during a dark period of my life, and he helped me to regain self confidence and happiness.
A couple of months ago, I was contacted on a social network by a man who was my first love and my greatest heartbreak. I met him when I was 15, married him when I was 18, and divorced him when I was 19 after he became manipulative and what I considered to be emotionally and verbally abusive. (He was 5 years older than me.)
I ignored him the first time he contacted me, but then when he tried again, I (very, very foolishly) responded. Thus began a catapult back into that dark place I had been in so long ago, not as bad, but it still feels at times like I’m back at square one, experiencing the anger, confusion, guilt, and sadness. I told my husband about the initial contact, but nothing else. I have absolutely no one to talk to. I feel so alone, and my mind is constantly spinning. I had been over him for so long, and I want to still think of him as the destructive person I left, not as a normal man who is doing fine in life. I did block him, so if he wanted to contact me again he’d have to get creative. But the damage is already done, and I don’t know how to fix it. Sometimes I feel okay, but at others it seems like there’s a deep, black hole trying to swallow me.
I don’t understand why this is affecting me like this after so many years, but I hate it. If anyone has any wisdom on this, I’m open to listening. Maybe just writing this will help.