Novi

Nile,

Thank you for making it easy for me to give you your meds. You are just like your big brother Beck, there was never any fight to give him pills or fluids either. I hate giving you that pill though because I know you hate it. I think that the potassium supplement is helping too, you seem to have more energy these days.

I'm proud to be your mum. 

Happy mother's day to any moms reading this. 

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I don't want to lose you. You're the last of my trio and once you are gone it will mark the end of an era. So much has changed since I got you 15 years ago and you are the last familiar thing in my life. I'm afraid that when I lose you I will also lose a part of myself. I'm sorry to both you and Sylvester for all the tears the last two days, I'm trying not to be sad because I know it will affect your health. 

I'm still waiting for the potassium supplement. I also ordered you a different kind of kidney care food that I'm confident you will enjoy. You now have 4 different kinds so there's no way you will get bored of your food!

I am forever grateful to the 26-year-old me that took you home in a spur of the moment decision. It turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. If I could I would hug her and thank her for bringing you into my life. 

I promise I will stay brave for you Nile. I'm very happy to see your little brother is being gentle with you too. I love you and I will be home in 7 hours. I will expect my hello kisses at the door!

I had just turned 31 when my mom passed away. Like you, she was my world too. The day she passed I was stopped at a red light and watching traffic, people... the world was just normal, it was just another day. I selfishly wondered how the world could just keep on turning when the person that meant the world to me was gone. My grief was so fresh and I wasn't thinking logically. Although I felt selfish, I also feel that it was okay to make it about myself at that time. I don't think you should feel any guilt in that. I'm sorry for your loss. 

Nile,

Took a while to get your results back, the vet was sick with the flu. I hope she makes a complete recovery. But she finally called today and told me that your nearing the end of stage 2 kidney disease. You also have low potassium so she is going to prescribe a supplement. It's not great news but it could be worse. At least your weight is the same. I might need to make an effort to wake up mid-day to give you an extra meal to try and help you gain just a little more. 

Sylvester's 2nd birthday is in a week so I will have to come up with a creative way to make a cake you can both share. Or maybe this time I will make you each your own, I know you love tuna but you can't have too much of it. Maybe I will make him a cake with the tuna and drain the water and mix that in your cake. I'll come up with something that you will both enjoy. 

Love you! XOXO

Hi Nile,

Tomorrow morning we're taking you for blood work, urinalysis and a weigh in. I'm hoping for good news! I know you won't be happy but I'll be sure to give you treats when it is all said and done. 

Love you much 

Two years ago she left for the meadows. I adopted her on Feb 28 2019, almost a month after my soulmate Beck passed away. She was 17 and I adopted her as a way of coping with losing Beck. I had specifically sought out a senior kitty because I knew not all animals are as lucky as Beck. I know I gave him a wonderful life from start to finish.

Cleo had been thrown out by her owners because she had become ill (kidney disease) and when I saw her profile on a non-profit organization I immediately applied to adopt. She was such a tiny, gentle little soul. I have more pictures than memories. But I remember the little things, like how she would wait expectantly as I folded my laundry and instead of putting my clothes away I would put them back in the basket with a towel on top so she could enjoy the warmth. Or how everyday before I left for work I would fill up a hot water balloon and place it at the foot of the bed so she could fall asleep nice and hot while I was away.

I suppose this is different because I took her in knowing she was coming home to pass away. She lived with me a little over a year and passed away at the old age of 18. It still hurts tho, no matter the circumstances. And every life should be celebrated.

Miss you my little old ladybug.

It's been 10 years for me. 

It's a sad time when I say that I'm glad she died when she did because if she had been sick now I couldn't have been there for her. I can't believe what's happened to my country. I feel like I will be joining my parents soon, sadly. 

Happy birthday mom. Tu me manques.

I often wonder how you would feel about the chaos in the world today. We never saw eye to eye with certain things, I'm sure we would have argued a lot. But I also know we would have agreed to disagree and remain united. 

I love you.

I'm sorry for your losses. 

After a trauma involving a bad relationship, I ended up losing weight to the point where I thought my heart would give out on me. My situation is different than yours I think because I just stopped eating altogether until I was forced to get help. It got better once I started to cope with what had happened. But I think your weight loss is definitely a symptom of your grief. 

My brother moved away last year and I did get anxiety from it. He's the only person I have in my life (other than my cats) so I completely understand the anxiety and panic you are dealing with, especially at a time like now. Talking helps, it's just very hard to find people to listen. 

4 hours ago, kayc said:

Honestly, I don't see how someone who is that unempathetic can get hurt so easily, I would just tell him how it makes me feel, how else will he learn?  People who aren't pet people don't get how we feel or how close you can get to them.  I have a neighbor that makes remarks that indicate they're "just an animal."  And he owns one.  I think I love her more than he does!  I feel sorry for the dog but her mom loves her.  Still, they're one of the "animals don't belong on furniture" people.  And they put her in a kennel for hours with no food, water, toys, chews, blanket.  I couldn't do that.

I hope you can find a friend that gets it, we need at least one person that does.  I have my sister but she has dementia and I don't know how much longer I'll have her...and there's days she's out of it now.

I don't think it's just because he's unempathetic, I think he trained himself to be stoic after our dad died. He took it hard, and I have guilt about not being there for him. We were split up after his death and it wasn't until years later that he told me how it had affected him. He was only twelve when it happened and as a result he was left abandoned by his dad, along with the taboo that suicide is for the weak. He grew up trying to compensate for that in different ways like joining extreme sports and fighting a lot. As silly as this is he also told me that for awhile he insisted on using a big spoon for everything he ate that required a spoon because he thought adults used the big ones and that he needed to be an adult. At twelve this is going through his mind. I wish I was there for him. 

We were supposed to write a book together that my mom and I started writing. She started it and I finished it when she was too sick to continue. We just documented her illness in a day by day journal and I was left with hundreds of pages of notes which my brother and I were going to compile into a book. But he told me he isn't ready yet to relive those memories, so I know he does feel he's just afraid to show emotion.

3 hours ago, MartyT said:

I'm so sorry that you're feeling such distance from your brother as you long to share your grief with him. I want to share some readings with you that I hope will help. And if you think your brother would be willing to read one or more of them too, you might share some of them with him. Inviting him to read something that you found helpful can be an effective yet indirect and less threatening way of letting him know what you may be feeling. Just make sure that you read them first, so you'll know what you're recommending and why:

How We Mourn: Understanding Our Differences

Grief Support: When Others Fail to Meet Our Expectations

Losing A Cherished Pet: Myths and Misconceptions

Is Pet Loss Comparable to Loss of A Loved One?

Helping Another with Pet Loss

 

Thanks Marty. I've actually read all of those links already. It's never occurred to me to share some of them with my brother. He loves to read so I could probably see if they can help. 

I especially loved your response to the person who said animal grief didn't belong here. It was to the point and very elegantly put. 

My brother always tells me that when I feel down I can always call him to talk to him. I've done that in the past but I don't anymore because he's not easy to talk to. And now he wonders why I don't talk to him anymore.. I want to tell him why but I don't want to hurt his feelings.

I understand that everyone reacts differently to grief but I worry about the way he deals with it. He never talks about it. If I bring up feeling sad on a holiday, or a death day, his response is "it's just another day, quit putting so much emphasis on it." When I tried to express being sad over the loss of my cats, he tells me "why do you adopt them in the first place if you just end up being upset when they die?"

Maybe he's not wrong about the death anniversary thing, I don't know but what I do know is that my mind just doesn't work that way. I can't just shut it off like he can. Is it healthy that he just puts everything aside and forgets about it? We never talk about the loss of mom and dad. It's just really hard to talk to him about these things because he's just put up a wall. How do I tell him the real reason I don't approach him with my grief without hurting him? I know it's not his fault, he wants to be there for me. We only have each other family-wise and I find that friends and colleagues are impossible to talk to. 

To my soulmate, Beck:

It's been three years now. The entire world changed after you left. Words cannot even begin to describe how much I miss you. For sixteen years you made my life so much better. I wear some of your ashes in a sapphire necklace, I call it my "Becklace." 

I know you were watching out for Sphinx and I on her last day on Earth. I was never able to replicate how that necklace reflected the sun and filled the room with brilliant silver and blue light - the way a disco ball reflects specks of light on a dance floor. And I wear this thing every single day. You calmed her and she went back to sleep with your light caressing her. Thank you for your help that day, I needed it.

I look forward to seeing you, Sphinx and Cleo again. Take care of Nile when he gets to the meadows! He's still doing well but his kidney disease is a death sentence. I know he misses you all. 

Love, mum.

XOXO

In Memory of Beck
March 20,2003 - Feb 2, 2019

You weighed in at 4.08kg, you've gained over a pound on this medicine. Keep up the good work little man!!! 

Nile,

I apologize ahead of time for the car ride that will happen tonight. I decided that since I have to drive to the vet to get your med refill, I would take you with me to have you weighed while there. You've been eating pretty well so I hope the weigh in will show progress. I do suspect you may be showing signs of dementia, but at least it doesn't happen often. I learned there is no treatment for dementia in cats. There's barely any treatment available for dogs as it is, and the science for cats is always half a decade behind dogs, sadly. One day at a time, Nile. We'll make sure you're always safe and warm, and as pain free as possible. 

Sylvester on the other hand, he is doing okay. I think he will have issues with constipation for his entire life. I was happy the blood on the litter box wasn't yours but sad that Sylvester was in obvious pain. I've been looking online for remedies and I'm going to ask the vet tonight for advice as well. Maybe there is a special kind of food he should be on, just like yourself. 

20 hours ago, kayc said:

That is how I feel.  I made my own post about him for my family/friends to read, they know how I feel about him.  He was a beautiful chow, had a hard life, sweet, he was prone to bite but I might have been too if I had his pain. 

 

I'm glad you did that. He deserves recognition. 

I've always thought that in most cases of aggression with dogs it's lack of proper training. The dog can't be blamed for not being taught and it's sad when these things happen.

Good for you @aleck1998

I had read this thread before but I wasn't sure what to say (I'm the last one to give relationship advice!!) I'm very happy that you have found ways to look out for you and cope. It sounds like you are doing very well. I wish you the best and hope you find someone that deserves you!

I'm sorry for your loss. Joe was beautiful.

It pains me to hear he was just a second thought on someone's facebook post. I don't have facebook but if I did and one of my companion animals died, they would have their own unique post in celebration of their life and the loss of it. 

Nile,

I never expected to start having health issues with your little brother but I suppose I always knew the possibility was there especially since he's had similar issues such as coming from a not so stellar home from birth, to having cryptorchidism just like yourself. It's okay though, I trust my vet so we will ensure you are both looked after.

I'm very glad you are still eating well and when I pick you up I can feel you've put on more weight. Love you much!

It was so funny to see you and Sylvester this morning... the way you both reacted to me when I arrived home from work. Yes, that was dog you smelled, I was hanging out with a beautiful pitbull/boxer mix at work. Even though you looked confused and sniffed my face when I picked you up, I still got my hello kisses from you. I was deemed "acceptable" even though I was hanging out with another companion animal.

And good news Nile! No car ride on Friday, Sylvester ate today and he ate well! He was just a little plugged up poor little guy. I will get you weighed at the doctor's once the weather warms up. Keep up the good work with eating all your food... both you and little brother! 

On 12/25/2021 at 6:02 AM, kayc said:

Electricity out all day yesterday, found out my generlink doesn't work (paid $779 for it) and it's off warranty as I hadn't needed it until now.    Survived it and hoping it stays on now!
I hope you have a beautiful day today in spite of hurting...

It was okay. First Christmas I've ever spent alone, I did struggle with that a bit. I miss my mom so much during the holidays because she loved to celebrate. She used to buy my cats little stockings stuffed with toys and treats. I tried to find some like that but the pet store only had stockings for dogs. So instead I bought them each a pet bed/blanket, which they loved right away, and a bunch of toys. Even Nile played with some for a bit. It was a peaceful but lonely day.

I'm sorry to hear you had issues with electricity. A real bummer about the generlink too, that's a lot of money gone to waste. Hopefully the new year brings better luck.

It would seem that Sylvester is trying to be just like his older brother... at least I hope that's all it is. I know you have always been picky with your food, but why isn't Sylvester eating now? I sit at work hours worried about both of you. 

He's booked to see the doctor Friday morning so I guess we'll find out soon why he's not eating. If he wasn't acting like his regular rambunctious self, I would certainly be more concerned. Maybe I'll bring you too and the three of us can have a little field trip. I can check your weight at the same time.

22 hours ago, kayc said:

I think it's because people fail to recognize how close we can be to our dog (or cat or whatever we have) it's often called disenfranchised grief for that reason.  
Disenfranchised Grief of Romantic and Pet Loss

I didn't know there was a name for it (there's a name for everything, I shouldn't be surprised!) Thanks for sharing.

22 hours ago, kayc said:

I think it's because people fail to recognize how close we can be to our dog (or cat or whatever we have) it's often called disenfranchised grief for that reason.  
Disenfranchised Grief of Romantic and Pet Loss

And to you also!  I live alone in the mountains, nearing 70 and we're supposed to get five ft of snow this week so if I disappear for a while it's because of no internet/elec/water, etc.  It's hard surviving when it's like this.  All Christmas plans are canceled, I missed my granddaughter's ballet (Nutcracker) and piano recital. 

I hope you are warm and safe!

I'm sorry to hear you missed out because of the weather. Holidays can be so difficult without additional help. I had decided to go on a trip to visit my brother, but the rental company called to say they didn't have my rental anymore. It's okay tho because I had a bad feeling, both because of the stress it would have on Nile, and also because the roads are so bad. I might plan a trip in the spring instead, I think. 

16 hours ago, Ruby said:

Wishing everybody peace, healing, and hope…

Thanks, you as well.

Well Nile, 

When I was off of work yesterday I hung around and waited so that way I could go to our vet's office and get the rest of your meds. I figured while I was there I would ask the doctor for a sedative, so the long drive north would be easier on you... ultimately it was whether or not I could get the sedative that would have the final say with this trip. Getting there first thing as they opened, the receptionist caught the doctor before she was going in to do a surgery and we got you the sedatives. 

I had a bad feeling about going but I got everything ready for you, Sylvester and Orangey. I was worried about leaving those two alone for so long. And of course, worried about how you would handle the trip. So when the car rental place called and said they could no longer accommodate the booking, I was both sad and relieved. 

I don't think we were meant to take this trip, Nile. We will spend a nice quiet Christmas together at home with the rest of our little family. 

On 12/17/2021 at 6:46 AM, kayc said:

I tend to elevate them as better than human, because I personally feel they are!  Think of the worst thing they've ever done...dig? eaten something they shouldn't?  You don't see them out doing the things people do...they study us, they're so loyal and loving!  They're always there for us!  Ready to comfort us at a moment's notice.  They drop everything to come to our aid!  I have a neighbor who treats them second class, I don't think he understands them like I do...his loss...and his dog's.   I give her love/attention/treats every day.

I agree with this, they are better than most people for sure. My sister has always seen them as accessories, she had a dog about 15 years ago and the poor thing was so mistreated. She didn't realize how much work they were and after awhile I suppose the novelty wore off. She abandoned the dog (the dog's name was Dakota) and I took Dakota in for awhile and then rehomed her. I sincerely hope she had a good life because she deserved nothing but the best. I cried on the drive home after dropping her off to her new owners and to this day I still feel guilt about giving her away, but at that time in my life I wasn't ready for the responsibility of a dog. It just wouldn't have been fair to Dakota.

On 12/17/2021 at 6:46 AM, kayc said:

OMG, this could be written by ME!!!  I had people that thought that when my Arlie died (I always called him my "soulmate in a dog."  They thought it triggered memories of losing my husband, no, but it felt very similar to when I lost him.

Why do people think this? Does it make it easier for them? "Oh it's okay, you're just feeling the pain of losing your mom again."  NO!! I'm feeling a new pain, I'm grieving for someone else!!! It's almost like because you've suffered one loss that the rest should be a walk in the park. It doesn't work like that.

On 12/17/2021 at 6:46 AM, kayc said:

Do you have problems with that moment haunting you?  If you do, you might find a therapist who does EFT or EMDR.

I might.. I'm not sure. I just don't remember much other than my sister's screams waking me up in the middle of the night. Last year I had a counselor that introduced me to EMDR therapy. I was very interested in trying it. We started but never finished because the counselor kept canceling my appointments at the last minute and because we were starting to bring up repressed memories, I felt it was too difficult to continue with the amount of time left between sessions due to all the cancellations. It felt like she would rip off the scab and leave me bleeding. I've lost faith in therapy, I've had far more negative experiences than good. 

If I don't come back online before, I wish you a very merry Christmas. Thank you for all the support/responses. They help a lot. 

Nile,

Never more than now do I wish you could speak. I'm torn... My brother has invited me over for Christmas and because you need medication and also need to have your food intake monitored, I would have to bring you with me. It's a four hour drive one way, and we would stay for two to three days. I really want to go and hang out with others for Christmas because I spend most of my time alone and the thought of spending Christmas alone makes my stomach hurt. But the thought of hurting you with the stress of a four hours drive there and then another four on the drive back, spending upwards of three days somewhere strange with a cat and a dog...

I know you don't like car rides and you take days to recover when I move into a new apartment (which thankfully hasn't happened for a long time now.) I would never forgive myself if this made your kidney disease worse, or if you changed because of this. I feel like I have to choose between my mental health and your well being.

I have to decide before the morning because as a Christmas gift my brother will pay for a rental car since mine needs repairs and leaving town with it is just not safe.

I love you Nile.