That was the hardest year of loss the girl had and as for me, it all turned out the worst I could imagine...I doubt there is any advice left to give. I finally reached out to this person in December through email to ask to meet her and discuss our relationship, or if there would ever be again. I told her I had some things to say to her and she didn't have to talk to me, just listen since we never discussed 'us' since the death of her nephew and to meet and I could also return back a couple of her little things. Well, I finally go a response a couple of hours later and was crushed. She was infuriated with me. It seems after all this time, all the things I had learned and tried to do to help out, ease the pain, comfort her had made her mad. That is was all an attempt to insert myself into her life when she made it clear that she wanted to be left alone. It was all about me not her and that I was very selfish and was making it hard for her to heal.
But the thing is, she had been into all the things I had done, was very appreciative and thankful and we had even started making plans to start seeing each other again during all this. It hurt a lot to see that see had contempt towards me when the last time we had seen each other she thought we were moving towards a heavy loving relationship and was so into me. I had kept myself so far out of the picture, barely contacting her, like once a month, if that, to check in on her well-being. Every friend and family member I tell this story to, they all think I did everything right and wish they knew more caring stand-up men like me. But the girl that I wanted to give my strength the most to, who probably needed it more, in the end, saw it differently than she had originally. This is so hard. Can't imagine what it is for her. I was told to say what I wanted to say, throw away her things as she doesn't need them anymore. I wrote back explaining that all I had done had been talked about between us previously and there was no problems, what happened? I told her I would leave her alone to heal and that I was sorry that I hurt her, when all I was trying to do was the opposite. She said she just couldn't be what I wanted her to be right now.
In the end I never did tell her the way I really felt about her, how she is one of those rare connections that happens only a couple times in life, and that I wasn't just me when we started dating. I just wrote an apology letter because I was so shocked to hear how she now looked at me. I am so pissed at the world. Try to be a great guy, the way I was raised to be caring in time of people's need and it blew up in my face. She had to defer all feelings and thought of relationships once the tragedy set in but the feelings stayed quite strong within me. I haven't contacted her in three months and I still think of her everyday and wonder if I'll ever hear from her or if I should tell her I still care about her and for her to get ahold of me when she feels she's ready and see if we have anything left. I try to date other woman but I haven't come across that spark since. Any thoughts?